_my love for you;

Out of Reach

Friday, December 26, 2008

It took me a few minutes to actually managed the first few letters of this post. Didn't know how to begin and all that. But i felt a need to pen all that down. I guess most people know i'll be going Down Under next year for futher studies and the hand few who knew i was taking up a loan and the mere few who actually knew how hard i was striving for it. To the extend that a normally optimistic girl have broken down and cried over this issue not just once but countless of times. I thought i finally had every settled and even went down to the bank to obtain the letter of offer to be signed by all applicants.

It was at this final lap that my applicant decided to pull out on me. And the fact that it has led up to another internal family conflict that is simply brewing at the surface, it just makes me all upset altogether. I felt so tired that once again all efforts have gone to waste and i would be required to once again start from scratch. I kept telling myself that if i want it bad enough, nothing can stand in my way. With that motivation i've fight on till thus far but once again it stumbled me and i fall back.

Reminds me of a childhood game of snake and ladders, sometimes you are just so near to your goals when suddenly you meet the snake and you fall way back to the starting point. It sure stinks. Nothing much i could do about it but to move on. Honestly, many atimes i decided to give up all together and just work forever. Maybe studying at other places locally. But i felt like i've fight on for so long. I don't want to just be defeated like that.

You know there was something this person at work said and it came true. She said that even if i no money also must go cause too many people know already. I brushed it off but then this thing happened and i simply don't want to be talking about this issue with her anymore. It's like taboo or something. Not that i'm being superstitious or anything, But i was spooked. Anyway i was quite upset over my applicant being pulled out. I don't exactly blamed him but to be honest should i be successful next time it'll be no thanks to him at all.

Guess i'm ranting everything out now and i feel better. Don't be mistaken that i've got bitterness or hate in me. I don't but simply just disappointment in family ties and all. It's unfair for me to judge on that but at this point. I'm trying to reason with myself and so far emotions are overwhelming reason. I better let it rest for now.

-Sign Off @ 11:10 PM :)