I'm currently at this point where my emotions are running wild. Waking up everyday only reminds me of my current sorry state. I've always hated being not here not there. I need to know. The desperation is so strong that it could result in self-manipulation. That is scary.
I feel like a coward having to wait for things to happen. I said i took actions but it has not been fruitful. People think that i'm sitting back and waiting for things to happen. Very few knew how hard i've worked. The disappointment everytime. The heartache and dejection that overwhelmed me now and then. My dream seems like a faraway thing. Promises made are broken. It's gonna take me a super long time to fully trust someone when he/she says that she can/will do it.
Funny isn't it? Some of us thinks that when we were young, we were so lucky in life. As we grow up, our life starts to suck. But i personally feel that our lives hasn't change at all. The luck part that is. It's just that when we were young, the need wasn't that material. As we grow up, we want so many things that it drove us to do extreme things. Many of us are already very fortunate to have a roof over our head, our parents by our side and food on the table. But we want so much more. It is really worth it? The desire and belief that all the things we want would enrich our life. In death, how much can we bring along with us? Life is so bleak.