simplicity is all i ask

New home

2009-12-22T08:00:00.002+08:00

well i supposed i'm rather ready to tell people where i've gone. You may now find me at this add; -
http://queenity.blog.com

Moving on

2009-09-22T19:40:00.002+08:00

I've moved...no longer blogging here. I feel too exposed and haven't really got a chance to regather myself. Plus i'm not sure if anyone is reading it anymore. Life goes on and i've moved on to another chapter of my life. This blog has served me well ever single ujournal crashed. When i feel ready i might come back and tell everyone the new add. But for now i guess this is probably the closing entry of my life at this point. Thanks to everyone who has supported me here =)

1 week in Perth and counting

2009-07-24T18:39:00.002+08:00

Week 1 in aussie and well i still don't have any friends. I could only count on making some during tutorials. I really hope people will amke the first move and talk to me. Being the introvert that i am it's gonna be a challenge. Unless i see the other person damn shy and nice... Haha then MAYBE i may make the first move.

For those who are curious, i don't and i doubt i will come home with an ang moh boyfriend. It's just too weird. Anyway...the family i'm staying with are super nice. Everyone is nice to me even the dogs!! Haha So far, i really enjoyed myself here except for the weather. It's even making my nose peel =( And the shoes i'm wearing are killing me!! Good ol' slippers never fails but somehow it just doesn't fit in this cold winter time.

Saw hail for the first time with Joyce. It was damn weird to be meeting her here in Perth. And we both miss Qwennie alot. Love ya girl! So far, i've already done some shoppings but none can compared to the money i'm paying for textbooks. Tutors are so irritating everything need to buy the latest edition. Sheesh!! i just wish everything will be smoothen out real soon. Especially the friends part.

Well..it's my chill day today...tomorrow i'm gonna hit the books and i'm real determined to do well for my studies.

Down Under

2009-07-19T01:32:00.002+08:00

Well...i've arrived in Perth last thursday and it has been amazing so far. Apart from the weather which can be good and bad. I don't perspire yet the skin feels really dry, but that's what moisturisers are for.

Anyway, my landlords are really really really nice people. So nice i just can't belive that they're my landlords. There's no upper/lower level boundary between us. But of course things get awkward here and there. But generally, they are a really lovely bunch.

So far, i've been to school and around my neighbourhood. Been to Perth city and also Burswood Entertainment Complex/Casinos and also we went to Carrington for bowling. It was an awesome journey so far. I doubt i'll wanna move out from here cause i love everything here.

But the down part is of course missing everyone back home. My parents and friends. I was expecting a lecture from my parents before i leave but none came. I guess they really trust me alot. The only thing godfather told me was not to trust people too easily. As for everyone out there, i haven't met my beautiful strangers unless you consider my landlord as one. Haha he's the first stranger i met and he's superbly nice and sweet.

Did i mentioned that they are Indonesians? Anyway, might seriously consider getting my own car to drive around especially to and from school. It's really far and with a car, i can go anywhere. So not restricted. But i shall see how, afterall, i haven't exactly drove on the road by myself. Should be a really refreshing experience.

Yup...that's all for now. Shall update again if i have things to say. Haha

Leaving for down under

2009-05-12T15:29:00.002+08:00

I know i ought to be resting since i'm on MC. But i guess i would like to just come on and inform friends who are reading this that I'm heading for Aussie this very July. I'll be going to Perth and i'm gonna be away for 2 years to do my Bachelor of Commerce. However, i'll be in and out of the country so plenty of time to catch up. Shall try to keep up with everyone before i leave. Meanwhile, i hope everyone takes care.

One step a time

2009-04-15T08:18:00.003+08:00

Hurry up and wait so close but so far away
Everything that you've always dreamed of
Close enough for you to taste but you just can't touch

You wanna show the world but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting
We live and we learn to take

One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step a time

You believe and you doubt
You're confused and got it all figured out
Everthing that you always wished for
Could be yours, should be yours, would be yours if they only knew

You wanna show the wrold but no one knows your name yet
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it
You know you can if you get the chance
In your face and the door keeps slamming

Now you're feeling more and more frustrated
And you're getting all kind of impatient, waiting
We live and we learn to take

One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step a time

When you can't wait any longer
But there's no end in sight
It's the faith that makes you stronger
The only way we get there is one step at a time

Take one step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step at a time

One step at a time there's no need to rush
It's like learning to fly or falling in love
It's gonna happen and it's supposed to happen
That we find the reasons why, one step a time

This songs sure talks a lot abt my feeling at this moment in life.

Life's bleak

2009-04-09T07:50:00.002+08:00

I'm currently at this point where my emotions are running wild. Waking up everyday only reminds me of my current sorry state. I've always hated being not here not there. I need to know. The desperation is so strong that it could result in self-manipulation. That is scary.

I feel like a coward having to wait for things to happen. I said i took actions but it has not been fruitful. People think that i'm sitting back and waiting for things to happen. Very few knew how hard i've worked. The disappointment everytime. The heartache and dejection that overwhelmed me now and then. My dream seems like a faraway thing. Promises made are broken. It's gonna take me a super long time to fully trust someone when he/she says that she can/will do it.

Funny isn't it? Some of us thinks that when we were young, we were so lucky in life. As we grow up, our life starts to suck. But i personally feel that our lives hasn't change at all. The luck part that is. It's just that when we were young, the need wasn't that material. As we grow up, we want so many things that it drove us to do extreme things. Many of us are already very fortunate to have a roof over our head, our parents by our side and food on the table. But we want so much more. It is really worth it? The desire and belief that all the things we want would enrich our life. In death, how much can we bring along with us? Life is so bleak.

Complicated Love

2009-04-07T07:54:00.002+08:00

This morning i read something and it made me feel swoony of sorts. Love that endures for 3 years. And it is not a typical relationship. It was something that some of us may scorn on especially the older generation. But still it is love as it is.

And alas, the wait was long and full of emotions and the party never turn up. At this junction do we blame the other party? Do we start blaming ourselves? Love is something that is so conflicting in many sense. Sometimes isn't it better to do without? Yet someone it's like bees to honey. You can't resist it.

When someone nice comes along, it's another beginning of a tug-of-war of the heart. Funny isn't it? Just like i told a friend i won't fall for a someone but i just end up falling deeper. Then the seperation begins and you feel hurt. Friends starts telling you that you'll find someone better who will love you more. And the cycle goes on.

Arck...feeling so many things that it's almost impossible for me to put it down in words. I better head off to work now. Sigh

I don't wanna be tied down

2009-03-13T08:15:00.002+08:00

Sigh...decided to come blog a bit before i set off for work.

Work is absolutely crazy with me trying to squeeze my time for every single job. With "Qing ai de" gone, i need to take on 6 more jobs. Of those the boss lady wants it out like next week!! Even if i possess superpower it'll be no mean feat. And the best part was i heard that maybe i'll be assisting with a new outjob which apparently from ex-auditor turned senior it's quite a mess.

Personal opinion: I can't understand why the job has to be take upon by our team when we are so packed with everything. Everyone is slowly dying and we have people from other team telling us that they have nothing to do! *Faints* Life is so.....unfair.

Genting trip over the weekend was no kick. Felt so down and all that. The main thing was Mum refused to let me have a second piercing of the ears. Dots...i'm an adult yet i can't exactly do what i want. Sheesh!!

All right i better get off to work now. =S

There goes Joyce

2009-02-24T22:19:00.002+08:00

Met up with my fav bunch of SMSS girls on 20th Feb night. It was such an awesome time. We met and had dinner together before heading to the basement and had a ball of a time on Wii looking for the Wii~ner. After which Joyce and Qwen stayed up together with me and we talked and do stupid things together. That's basically what we done other than taking lots of photos at the deserted bus stop and in Joyce's room.

But honestly, the best part was walking up in the morning and as i was in the bathroom with Joyce and Qwen next door. I heard them laughing and talking and i thought "I'm so blessed to have these two lovelies in my life". It was so random yet so powerful at that moment.

It's amazing how years went by and we are still the same old. We feel so comfortable with each other. There was no "oops, sorry" going around between us at all. We have reached the comfort zone of Joyce showing us her glow in the dark undies (which she brought to Australia) and Qwen monkeying around. We've seen each other with our geeky glasses and unmake-up face. There was nothing shy between us as it has been a very simple case of accepting who we are.

Joyce mentioned in a note on facebook that it was tough to be together after so long especially odd number. But we beat the odds and the three of us are just still close. We are okie of stepping out from the circle and yet coming back together seems very natural as well. I know this seems very random right now. But that kind of feelings are just so hard to put into words.

Of course, the next best thing was meeting up with Gwen, Lynn and Marie. We are still the same old and we still go crazy together. Marie and her "xiao jie-ness", Gwen is still ever chatty and Lynn just keeps eating the lettuce. Hee

I miss everyone...every single of them i've mentioned. And with Joyce gone and everyone so involved in their own work it's so hard to meet up as often as i would've like. Today Joyce left for Mel and yet there i was still at work. There was so many things i wanted to tell her but when i heard her voice over the phone i know how much i'm gonna miss her. I think she sense everything that was unspoken on my part. Urgh!! All the best Joyce and remember that everyone of us in Singapore loves you!!

For the rest of the girls, stay being who you girls are. You're the best things a girl can ask for and with you girls, there's no more i would need in my life. =)

darling meetup

2009-02-07T01:40:00.003+08:00

Met up with Joyce and Qwen today. It was utterly amazing the chemisty we had between us. So many unspoken things and the same thoughts that run through our minds at the same time. I'm so glad to have met up with them after so long and the best part was the whole time being with them. Depsite i was so drained, i felt perky with my two darlings.

Had dinner at Carl's Junior for the first time in my 21+ life. No wonder i never really go there, it was quite expensive and i thought nothing beats Mos. I was so wrong! But then again, the burger was fab tasting and the portion big. We witness a car crashing into a pillar of Marina Square. Thank God it didn't came at us. Later we moved on to the Esplanade as i wanted to enjoy the breeze. We managed to catch a performance kindda like East meets West. The music was great along with the company. The tunes were familiar and catchy.

Alas, time to go home. And so here i am writing this entry. Felt a little heartbroken just now when someone i was chatting to cut me off saying he's busy. But what the hell...i sweared off guys so i ought to not let it affect me in anyway. Besides, i've got so many other things to worry about. Like my work which is giving me a headache and also my life. I'm hanging here unsure of the next step and move. But i swear i will see through what i promise to do. Se jiu shi kong

Can't think of any tittle for this

2009-01-29T08:12:00.002+08:00

It's the Chinese New year again. Feels weird this round...once again i ponder over family ties. Ever since the loan incident it felt as though a big thing has happened and everyone changed. Saw my nephew after so long and i was so shocked at how different he looked. He is now officially the skinniest person in our family. And he's a guy!! But found out the reason was cause someone had a girlfriend and his girlfriend is skinny and small. It's so cute and sweet!!

Guess i kindda made a few resolutions of my own. Decided that i'm swearing off guys. And no i'm not interested in girls and i definitely will not go for Valerie or any girllfriends. It just that i feel that life is complicated enough and with guys it can only get worst and not better. Maybe it's just a phase i'm going through right now so i'm not swearing it as a forever kind of thing.

Anyway...i feel like i've seen a lot and grown up so much over the years. Sometimes i don't think i'm acting my own age at all. Wondering if i'm growing up too fast. Just praying that i can still enjoy my life without trying to care for people who's supposed to care for me. Worrying about things not in my position to control. Simplistic life is all i ask for. Is it too much?

Primary School Gathering @ Vivocity

2009-01-03T15:14:00.002+08:00

Primary school gathering yesterday after almost 10 years? It was a small group of us though. There was Mavis, Allan and Charmaine. It was fun catching up...though i don't know why my energy level quite low. But it sure was fun catching up over a meal and chatting at the rooftop of Vivocity. Caught a midnight show with the Allan and Mavis. It was fun and i finally cabbed home. Super tired.

Guess the feeling's rather weird. Like trying to find things to talk about. I guess in a way i was glad there's only 4 of us there. The 4 of us are rather close back then and so we are somewhat on the same frequency. It's funny how much we've grown yet certain traits stayed on with us over the years.

Man...i've grown so much and feel old. Hmmm...*ponders* off i go to say "YES" to life!

Happy New Year - 2009

2009-01-01T22:10:00.002+08:00

Well... as the title suggests it's a brand new year. A new year of hope, dreams, aspirations and love. Guess i'm breaking the tradition, my personal one that is. I used to do my reflections on the last day of the year but this year i'm doing it on the 1st.

Thought about 2008:

It was a year full of blessings and a lot of realization. Realised how blessed i am with my family and friends around me. My parents love me lots and there are so many things i am very thankful for.

Of course there was many downturns. 1st and foremost was the passing of 2 people whom i cared and have come to love. Working stress and of course my loan issues for further studies.

Many things i brought with me into this new year and i stepped in feeling more grown up. Never thought i would say to myself that i feel grown up but i really do. In a negative way i guess i've grown to be more wary of people and to really learn how to be firm in my decision making. I've also learnt how to really act in certain situations. I've learnt to become more caring and empathetic in many areas of life be it towards human or animals. It's weird but hey i get a good kick out of it.

And so many things happened in 2008, i got my licence!! Whoohoo!! Become 21...erm...okie nothing too biggie about that. Spent days in the way i want to spend it especially my maany birthday celebrations. Mummy finally gave me more freedom. As i got to travel overseas with her full support to Bintan and Malaysia. I even got to stay out later. Of course personally i don't prefer to stay out that late.

Eventful year and the biggerest thing that happened has to be WMHD. It was a fun-filled thing and another that helped in my personal development. Being entrust the job of stage manager was no joke. Afterall, i'm quite a noob for this kind of thing. Then there was so many things to managed i panicked but as cliche as it sounds, the show must go on. Then i fell in love with someone and forged new friendships because of him. So unlike drama where the girls all cat-fight over a guy. Haha...funny thing was we decided to step back and gave way for the other. But alas, he's overseas. I also finally plucked the courage to speak to an old "flame" of sort. Realised many more things and decided i finally belong in a very unique family.

So there...a very different reflection for 2008. I shall go on to say how i spent my 2008 and the 1st hour of 2009 because i find it quite funny. I mean not in the "haha" way but...you get my drift. I was ironing weeks of laundry till the last 5 mins of 2008 and then after watching the fireworks display, i went on to bathe. Kind of like washing all the unpleasant things in 2008 away and face 2009 feeling fresh and clean. A new beginning!! Then i read Twilight on my PMP. My EBook!! Keke...so hooked on the book and the movie. Gosh Britian Actors are so cute!! I love them, never thought i would like Caucasians to that extend. But I simply can't resist them. If you've watched Twilight, i love Dr Cullen!!

All right...before i continue gushing like a silly school girl...Happy New Year everyone! May 2009 be a great year for each and everyone of us!

Out of Reach

2008-12-26T23:10:00.002+08:00

It took me a few minutes to actually managed the first few letters of this post. Didn't know how to begin and all that. But i felt a need to pen all that down. I guess most people know i'll be going Down Under next year for futher studies and the hand few who knew i was taking up a loan and the mere few who actually knew how hard i was striving for it. To the extend that a normally optimistic girl have broken down and cried over this issue not just once but countless of times. I thought i finally had every settled and even went down to the bank to obtain the letter of offer to be signed by all applicants.

It was at this final lap that my applicant decided to pull out on me. And the fact that it has led up to another internal family conflict that is simply brewing at the surface, it just makes me all upset altogether. I felt so tired that once again all efforts have gone to waste and i would be required to once again start from scratch. I kept telling myself that if i want it bad enough, nothing can stand in my way. With that motivation i've fight on till thus far but once again it stumbled me and i fall back.

Reminds me of a childhood game of snake and ladders, sometimes you are just so near to your goals when suddenly you meet the snake and you fall way back to the starting point. It sure stinks. Nothing much i could do about it but to move on. Honestly, many atimes i decided to give up all together and just work forever. Maybe studying at other places locally. But i felt like i've fight on for so long. I don't want to just be defeated like that.

You know there was something this person at work said and it came true. She said that even if i no money also must go cause too many people know already. I brushed it off but then this thing happened and i simply don't want to be talking about this issue with her anymore. It's like taboo or something. Not that i'm being superstitious or anything, But i was spooked. Anyway i was quite upset over my applicant being pulled out. I don't exactly blamed him but to be honest should i be successful next time it'll be no thanks to him at all.

Guess i'm ranting everything out now and i feel better. Don't be mistaken that i've got bitterness or hate in me. I don't but simply just disappointment in family ties and all. It's unfair for me to judge on that but at this point. I'm trying to reason with myself and so far emotions are overwhelming reason. I better let it rest for now.

Mini post

2008-12-08T21:45:00.002+08:00

So i've turned 21st on the fateful day of 4th December 2008. Over the past few days i've a couple of mini celebrations with close buddies as well as really see myself mature. I say that because of a certain person who played me out without the cheek to clarify everything. Alas, i was determined to not have anything spoil my birthday. The photos shall come up soon and i shall blog it out properly. Meanwhile, i wanna thank every single one who remembered my birthday!! You guys really make me smile a lot. New friends and old i love you guys lots! Meanwhile, i got 2 surprises within this week and when i think back i still smile. Hee All righty till then, this blog is quiet. Shh...

Farewell Aunty Jenny =~(

2008-11-28T22:33:00.003+08:00

It's such a busy week. One cannot imagine the stress i'm in as well as the tediousness of the work i'm doing. I feel so drained out. Physically strain is no way closer than emotional drain. I can't understand why i'm given this job when those i have on hand are no way getting done.

Only the 2 people who worked with me can understand the tremendous stress i'm going through. I feel so deprived of everything. Being locked up in that room and simply getting no where. Yesterday was an achievment but today was slow. Tomorrow will be stress-er because the expectation is so high. Sometimes being in the middle isn't a good idea. I'm expected to be faster than the the junior and be able to assist my senior. The only thing in my mind for me to fight on is that i'm better off than my senior who is under worst stress than i am. And honestly, we or myself ain't doing anything to really ease the load off him.

I'm doing my best...but sometimes i doubt myself. I doubt my work. But ack...don't want to think about it right now. Tomorrow is Saturday yet i'm required to go back to work. Sigh...wish things could be different.

Which also reminds me that the aunty i was speaking about in the previous post has left and tomorrow's her funeral but i'm unable to attend due to work commitments. Maybe it's a good thing. I will always have the happier version of her in my memory.

Well this is a message for her, "Aunty, thanks for everything you have done for my mother and me. Having known you in my life is a blessing because i have another person to dote on me. Though you have left and my wish to have you attend my wedding went along with you. But i know when the day comes, you will be there as well. May you rest in peace and continue your journey to the afterlife. A person as nice as you will receive many blessings. I'm sorry that i won't be able to attend the funeral tomorrow and sending you off on your final journey on earth. But i know you will understand. Farewell le!"

Crying as i write this
The music on the radio seems so apt
Life's journey is short
And with that you left your mark in us
Now the story of your life has ended
But your legacy will outlive you forever
The little things you've done
The many words that you've spoken
The little touches you left behind
Will always impact us in one way or another
And now i bid you farewell
Leave in peace knowing that you've lived a full life

Meeting someone dying

2008-11-24T08:01:00.002+08:00

The weekend was a painful one for me. On Saturday, i was just telling my mother that a friend's grandma had cancer but she is coping well with it. Then later in the day, my mother received a call from a long time friend. It turned out that her daughter was holding on to her phone. That friend has just been admitted into the hospice the day before. I couldn't believe it because a couple of months back she had an op and she seems okie when we visited her. Also later we went to her house and she was her usual self.

We rushed home to settle some stuffs before going out to the hospice. We rushed there knowing that she didn't had long to live. I couldn't imagine how bad it could be until we went in and i saw her lying there. The frail lady lying on the bed couldn't be her. I just couldn't believe it. I had to hold in my tears. I supressed the urge to rush out of the room and cry for fear of hurting her.

The aunty being said has cancer and it's the last stage of it. The horrible disease that has reduced her to that stage. She used to be plump and happy. But now she is no different to those who had starved during war time. She couldn't even speak and the way she looked and held my mother's hand was so painful. It was as though she wished to see my mother more before she leaves us. Her hand and feet were so cold i feared that this was the last time i will see her. She dotes on me a lot and it just hurts bad.

I used to only feel the terror of this disease but never had i imagined the effect it can have on a normal person. And when i saw that the aunty's used to be long hair is now just a bad crop and it's with white hair. You couldn't imagine the sadnss i felt in me. She used to have such long beautiful hair and coloured that i secretly long for. But now...everything has changed. It's foreign to me be seeing a dying person. I just wish that things can be different.

Pre-Birthday Post

2008-11-09T13:37:00.003+08:00

I dunno how i've been these days, i feel like shutting myself out from everything. Just want to move on with life as it is. Decided not to go through the hoo-ha of celebrating my birthday. But i would want to spend time with people. Birthdays from young was never something we took seriously in my family. It was later in the years as i grew older that i started taking it a bit further by treating my parents or buying them real expensive but useful things. Like handphone or something for the house that my mother has been thinking of getting for ages. That sort of thing if you understand me. My dad never really remembered my birthday and as for my mother she would ask me what do i really want and she will get it for me. But then when the time comes, i would rather she not spend any money. Afterall, she carried me for 9 months+ and i thinking giving me the chance at life was the best gift my mother could have ever given to me.

There are so many things i'm seriously blessed and happy about. Like the friends i met along my nearly 21 year of life so far. The emotions i went through, things i've come to realize and so many more. I'm a very fortunate person and at this point in my life there is nothing more i would really want to ask for. Of course material things aside. But then, if i do not have my family nor friends around me then why would i want so many material things for? I rather die with everyone by my side rather than die with all the riches in the world but without friends.

Okie, i supposed this is getting a bit freaky that it's gonan be my birthay soon and yet i'm talking about death. But i guess right now, if i were to dye i will not be one that goes around screaming to God that there's so many things i have not do yet. I guess i would be sad but i think i can leave a happy person. =) Guess people won't be hearing from me for awhile. I'm always like that right? I appear and disappear so fast i sometimes wonder if i have even been there.

Anyway just want to mention that i'm so glad Obama won and on that note, i wonder if young Singaporeans will know that Yusof Ishak was Singapore's first president and that MM Lee was the one leading Singapore for as long as he's alive. It'll be sad that they would only know that Obama is the President of America. But anyway, Mr Obama would have big shoes to fill and to pull America out of this shabbles they are in right now. Just hope he can do good his words.

Another things if that Joyce is coming back on the 14th Novemeber!!! I'm so happy and i miss her alot. Too bad i won't be in during that weekend. But nonetheless, i will meet up with my two darlings =)

Weekend here i coime

2008-10-25T00:19:00.002+08:00

Finally after a super long week, it's another time of fun and relaxing. That is what i hope to achieve this weekend. Bintan here i come!! It's the first time i went overseas alone with friends. Val, Hwei Yin, Sophia and Lily are coming along with me. 5 girls going to a place where we never been before. Wondering what we going to do there. But most of all is i want to really relax. Just chill my life away. Thinking of playing at least 1 water sports but i'm wondering how my glasses would measure up. Hmmm...hope things will be okie man. Don't want anything to happen. I just wanna have fun. =) Pray for my well being k?

Daddy's girl

2008-10-16T08:21:00.002+08:00

This morning was rather weird as i listen to my father's conversations with his colleagues and boss. It made me realise that his job is not that easy after all. Especially when he has shitty customers. One certain person who complains about him even though he did nothing at all. It was all for personal gain. From my understanding, if they were to complain that their tour is bad, they get some kind of rebate off their tour. I don't understand that policy but i guess it's up to their company. Back to my father, sometimes it hurts how my mum doesn't understand him. I mean like she can be real selfish when she wants to and yet selfless at the same time. I know i may be contradicting myself, but it's the truth. Financially wise my father isn't the one providing for everything and my mother is. Yet she was really okie with it and bear with everything from then till now. Yet everyday, she will prepare the necessities for him. And i wonder why is she doing all these?

I ever told myself, my future husband would not be so lucky at all. But i guess i don't really know the feeling of loving someone so deeply. I guess when it comes to me i will be the same as my mother. Because i saw it happening and it left an impact in me. But that aside, i feel that my dad has really make up for the things he was unable to provide for us. He has indeed worked hard on many other areas that i or my mother take it for granted. We took it as something he should do. But today, i made that realisation and i felt guilty of sort. Deep down, i love my dad. I do...and i will just be more caring towards him from now on.

Well..offie to work for me.

Thoughts & Feelings

2008-10-12T00:05:00.003+08:00

Now that i have time to blog i shall try to really get my feelings down. For the past few days, i'm so upset with work. I mean a part of me am glad that my boss thinks highly of me enough to dump so much on me. This way i get to experience more things and learn more. However as i tell others this i wonder if this may just be a tagline to make me feel better about things or to help me see things on a positive note. Honestly, i think i'm dying inside. As i talked about my work i feel like crying. At this point i'm already so squeezed and to think that this is only the cool season. I really don't know how i'm to survive further on. I can only sit and pray that it will not get worst. That's all i can hope for.

I was talking to Manzie yesterday and finally i could get everything in my system out to her ears. She did receive a shock somewhat and i learnt a couple of things more about myself. Guess i wasn't so cool about my feelings for him. Blogs are scary nowadays, there's nothing search engine can't dig out for you. (which was how i found some information that i wanted to know) So names shall not be mentioned should one who i do not intend to chance upon happen to chance upon mi bloggie.

Am thinking of moving to lj...but i'm so comfortable with Blogger and besides years down the road i'm still a big noobie about lj. Can't get the template i want. Sheesh...is it so hard? Or am i not making enough effort on this project.

Well..back to the boring topic of work, i got called in yesterday to be told that i would be required to assist in an urgent job that was backlagged for 3 months. The client requires all 3 months to be submitted to them before the end of the month. I was like (!!!!!!) I'm already dying and i thought that i could probably catch some breather of sort but no~! That ain't gonna happen. So here i am moving on to do more stuffs. Honestly, when is all this gonna end? I'm really suffocating trying to meet the expectations.

I was talking to my senior yesterday and i told her,"You know actually i don't have high expectations of myself but other people does". It triggered in me cause i was flipping through my previous notebook. I always have a habit of carrying a notebook around so that i can write sudden thought or feelings in and it amazed me that this is not the first time. One entry that was talking about my stint in my previous work place as a temp, i wrote down that my senior told me he has very high expectations of me. I was like what!!? How can it be possible?

I'm not boasting myself here so if you can't stand it just leave the blog. Don't one is forcing you to read. Urgh...rambling rambling rambling. Guess i ain't in too good a mood afterall.

Now that i quiet down and think. I guess and figured i must miss him. It's so weird how it could possible be. How can i miss something i never had? It's a different kind of missing. I think i just miss the whole thing all together. That withdrawal thing is still there. And i do miss everyone. Really i do. So i guess i shouldn't be thinking too much about how i'm feeling about him. Besides, the world out there is so much bigger. He could have found someone or he come back more bahbah then he is now. I'm going Aussie soon if everything goes smoothly. Which at this point of time is another source of my headache and heartache. Shalln't go about it anymore cause i still have another week at work. I need to concentrate. I need to persevere. I need the strength to carry on. Please someone grant me that strength. I can push on because this is something i really want. Something i really believe in. Something i want so bad that i'm going all the way out to do something about it. At this junction i wanna thank my parents who really go all the way to sacrifice for me. Thanks daddy and mummy. I love you both very much.

But being in an Asian society/country/civilisation/culture we don't say our love out loud. So i'm doing this in my blog. But i know you both do know how much i love you guys. *hugs and muacks*

Overwhelmed with everything

2008-10-10T22:21:00.003+08:00

Finally i'm home earlier than the past few days. Stayed till 10.30 on tuesday, 11 on wednesday and 9.30 yesterday. Rushing through an accounts that the client wishes to have the draft by today. Honestly, the dateline is a total nightmare. Plus the client who's ususaly very careful and neat made quite a couple of mistakes and i had to dig up a lot of things to find out which side is wrong. Really a total nightmare and it doesn't help that i have unfortunately fallen sick. It started with a sneeze and here i am today. Blocked nose and dry throat. Didn't even have the luxury of time to go see a doc for it. Sigh...

And really today was a terrible day. Super bad day. It all went down after lunch. First i called up the bank to have them tell me that my application for education loan has been denied. I was seriously pissed that i had to personally call them up to know the status. They promised me 5 working days. I gave them nearly 3 weeks or 14 working days and i didn't get any news. Anyway, they told me that my joint applicant's salary doesn't make a very strong financial stand. I need to find someone else. At this point, i totally lost the mood to work. Couldn't concentrate on anything at all. Kept tearing at intervals. It hurts so bad but i had to hid it. I was in a mix of frustrations and sadness. Couldn't decide which one weighs heavier. But with a heavy heart i went through rest of the day. I kept thinking about giving up. I fought so hard for it and again that brick wall didn't break. I need to climb over it and i seriously do want it bad enough. Meanwhile, i'm saving and scrimping every single cent i could.

Then while doing the accounts to the final steps, i realized i didn't check the individual job p&l first. How stupid can i get? I quickly looked at the ending figures hoping everything will tie with client's but no. Things ain't going my way, there were so many differences of which some is my fault. Called the client but she was engaged with her boss and said she will get back to me but it was close to ending work time. Anyway finally got her on the line and we discussed the differences. Then she told me there was something else which i needed to change too. I was so depressed but i hanged on.

Finally got the accounts out for the boss and then i told her that she wanted me to remind her that when the quarterly accounts come in i would have to remind her as to who to hand it over to. She asked me what do i have on hand and after i finished telling her, she told me that i should be able to squeeze in this quarterly accounts into my very tigh schedule. Doesn't she know i need to breathe? I told one senior and she told me that i tell the boss to take me off VPM. But honestly, i wasn't even doing it anymore. I'm just assisting on the sideline. But it doesn't help for the fact that VPM is forever problematic. And the poor girl had to go through everything...i try to help her as much as i can but she can tell i'm super busy too. There are so many things waiting for me to attend to them. But i'm so not going back over the weekends to clear cause it just ain't worth it. Even if i work 24 hours a day i wonder if i might be able to complete all that stuffs that i have.

Urgh...honestly, i'm so overwhelmed with work. It's eating me up and i'm losing weight fast thanks to the lack of sleep, rest, water and of couse adding on to the loss of appetite. But it's super unhealthy. Oh and finally i went home while walking past the shop i suddenly kicked onto something and nearly had a fall. But luckily enough there was a pillar there for me to grab onto. Then while waiting at the bus stop, i waited ultra long for the bus. When it came it was not the usual long bus but the shorter one and i couldn't get up so i decided to skip for the next one. Finally it came and before i could board this lady with a huge ass cut into my line and forced her way up. I wasn't trying to be mean when i say she has a big butt but she really does and since i'm behind her, i get it like in front of my face. That is so uncool. But on the bright side at least i managed a seat or else i think i will die from the heels i was wearing.

As the day comes to an end i hope all the unpleasant things will follow suit. And now i prepare for bed. Good night all.

WMHD 20th September 2008

2008-09-22T00:20:00.002+08:00

This will be a night that i will always remember. The night where the people present saw our hard work. The night that we felt it was all worth while. And also the very night where the everything was something we all are proud of. 20th September 2008 @ Jubilee Hall in Raffles Hotel was indeed a night to remember.

Before i begin how i really felt, i'm dedicating the following to the following people. They might not see this but still this is what i felt.

To Doreen: Thank you so much for all your help trying to meet my demands. Having you run around back stage and all even going beyond your job scope. It was a great pleasure working with you. Never would have trade it for anything. I'm really grateful for the big hug that you gave me before the actual thing. Only you actually saw me seriously freaked out!! And your hug was really what calms me down.

To Sylvia: Though we were both from the pioneer batch of youthpals it was actually this event that we got this opportunity to work with each other. It's never too late to be close. I seriously had great fun working with you over the micset. Your leadership skills is really something that made sure things go on as usual. Really admire how you work your way with the different people. The fun we had can only be relive in our memories. But i know we would still remember everything and all. It was damn fun and all. We did it girl!! Together with everyone we did it and it was a show people will remember.

To Huixin: Hey we only actually contact with each other in the last couple of days. Sorry my lappie was giving you lots of trouble. Thank you for bearing with my pushy bits with the tech runs and all. But it was really great arranging everything together with you. I'm so proud of you that we did so well. You were the woman of the tech man!! Alone with the tech guy. Moving on even if i didn't cue you when i was supposed to. You really play a major part in the show.

To Sally: Hey girl...you did a great job!! I know you were like super nervous and all.. But you pulled off everything really well. No one would ever suspect how nervous you were. I'm a little sad that we didn't bond that much. But nonetheless... i'm still glad we got this amazing opportunity to work together. I know you love thy stage and thanks for making me smile with your extreme acting.

To Max: Well...to be honest when i saw you teared the other day i was heartbroken. Cause always my impression of you have always been a cheerful guy and a joker. You were very brave indeed. After all that you've been through, you played your role really well. Amazing fella and thanks for trying to cheer me up by wanting to tell me a lame joke. Sorry if i was quite bossy with you. I know that even though you seemed very laidback as usual, deep down you are a very responsible person. The road had really been tough for you and i'm really proud of you my son.

To Yockie: I really admired you. You really pull everything together and acted really well. I wished that you could have shared your burden with us even though i know you would have felt it to be unfair to us because well...we are just volunteers. But i'm glad i got to know you better after this whole thing. Only Human 2008 has been an exprience i will never forget. If i had to do it again, i would. Seriously hoping things will not end but it did. And i guess it's really tough for you that so many departures are taking place. But you are a really strong girl and we are all in this together now. =) Thank you so much for all the hard work you've put in this whole thing. You're really the best.

To ZhongWei: Gee..Doc you have been a very amazing person. Always making me laugh over at our side of the stage. I've seen how hard you worked at remembering your script. I've seen how calm you were and thanks for all the help you've provided to me during the whole thing. Sorry if it hurt when i hit you the couple of times. Thanks for tolerating my nonsense and the insults that i have unkindly bestowed on you. Glad of the opportunity to work with you and i'm proud of you too my old son. =D

To Manpreet and Valerie: Well... you guys are the best buddies i've got. And this event has seriously made us closer. You guys know what you've done and always done. So i ain't gonna say more. Love you guys!

To Daniel and Choon Kwang: You guys totally rocks man!! You guys were really recruited into this whole thing by EC and ended up being roped in so last min for the video. Thank you so much for helping out this whole thing. Sacrificing your friday nights and saturdays. Having to join us in an amazing production. Wouldn't have been so great without the help and support from you guys.

Lastly, great work everyone!!!

This entry has really been dated back for too long. The overwhelming feeling has faded a little since then. However, i shall try my best to really put down everything. When this whole thing started, the commitment level became super high. I was contemplating if i should quit this whole thing all together. There wasn't anything holding me on in this thing. Every meeting i ended up seeing different people and every time it was the same situation of being stuck and not being able to come to a conclusion on things. It didn't mattered if i missed any of the meeting.

All that changed when the actual rehearsals began. Everyone was so committed to this whole production. It was the very first act and everyone wanted the best of it. The *ahem wasn't all that nice to work with. There was a love and hate relationship. But we have to admit without him, this may never happen. It wasn't fair for him to have to step in 7 weeks and work on a whole new thing with zero experience cast. Everyone got to care for one another, supporting through the goods and bad. It was an amazing bond and now i never wanted to leave.

I love everyone, every single one of them. They are wonderful people and i'm glad of this opportunity that happened in my life. =)

Anniversaries~

2008-09-05T22:51:00.002+08:00

Okie....i'm backdating this to the 1st of September...Thanks Carlin for reminding me =)

The very sweet xiao mei aka Carlin got me a very beautiful choc cake with i think some berries on the top of the cake. Sorry i didn't take a photo of it. The cake was for the purpose of our 1 year anniversary in the company since our attachment days. It's amazing how far we've come... getting more experience and better in our jobs. We had our good and bad moments. Amazing how things have changed. You may used to be close to someone but for some reason you distant yourself. Then of course you get to see a lot of people come and go. Amazing how time really flies.

Another big anniversary coming up is also AH's 2nd year anniversary which will be taking place on the 20th September. Of course it would be something major happening in my life. Because it's 1 of the only thing i have stand up for despite objections and tiredness. However, i've come so far. Sometimes i still think back to the orientation and i smile. However, of course i wish things would have turned out differently. But that is another issue. Besides life goes on and maybe i won't be with them any more.

All righty, tomorrow is another big day. Gonna accompany my godma too. =) Feel guilty for neglecting her. Haha... all right bed's calling. Tata

Amazing

2008-09-03T21:26:00.004+08:00

Since a few people has been asking me why i haven't been blogging, i shall do it. But there is honestly not much thing happening in my life. No photos to update not much happening in my life. Except that work is slowly eating up my life and so is AH. Friday nights and saturday is burnt with the meetings. Didn't find much going on. Tuesdays are reserved for swimming with Carlin. It is going to become a weekly thing. I finally found someone who swim at about the same speed with me. That feeling is so cool. Haha

Saturday's rehearsal was okie, i'm a softie and i just can't bear to see HT falling down but the show must go on. Kind of reminded me of moulin rouge. Anyway, there's a lot of thing going on trying to act normal while putting on an act. It's all a facade. Not really referring to the play.

I'm happy that some of my friends have gave their support to come and watch the play so i shalln't reveal anything here. Hope things will go well. If this is truly the end of my time with them, i really hope to end it with a bang.

Yesterday marks the official day of 1 year of working inclusive of attachment period. Time flies doesn't it? Was talking online with Qwen and we miss each other as well as Joyce. Both of them are busy with school. One stressing over essays and the other over homework with CTs coming up. It's been 1 year since i heard of CTs. Hahaa...nearly collapse in the morning yesterday. I think it may be due to over fatigue. Well... i think i've recovered from it all. Today is a bright new day!! Whee... all righty off to work with me. Haha

Signing off to my life in Singapore

2008-08-13T13:14:00.003+08:00

Ouch!? Well...i don't know. Too many things happening in my life right now.

First i saw A on sunday and well, he still makes me smile. I grin like an idiot and when he smiled i did melt. But it didn't hurt as badly i guess and then i wonder could it be because of S? But alas, nope i don't think so. Cause when i saw his status as no longer single nor attached, i kind of felt nothing. It didn't hurt either. =) Maybe i've changed!

I seemed to be preparing myself for my departure to Melbourne or Aussie. I'm closing my heart to the two guys who really affect my life. Not that i'm going overseas for a market full of others. But in general. I wondered if my mother is also preparing herself. She's going out more attending her own stuffs while i take care of myself and settle my own meals. It still feels strange to actually stand back and look at all these unfolding. I even told my manager about my plans. It sort of prepared her for what's to come next and she can plan ahead for the work. Really have been thinking a lot. Having restless nights quite recently. Was it pressure from job? I really don't know.

But i guess it may have more sense to point at the finance side of plan. I've just finished My Sister's keeper and it was amazing!! Thanks Andy for getting this for me. I really love the book. How there's 2 twists at the end. I'm now reading The Last Lecture by Randy Pausch. He's my inspiration. I now bear this quote in mind, "The brick walls are not there to stop people who want it badly enough. It is there to stop other people." It's amazing how a guy with only a few months of good health left is so full of life and zest. I would recommend people to read both books. There are amazing!!!

Well...till the next time i blog i guess i shall end here.

Literacy

2008-08-01T08:15:00.003+08:00

Yesterday i was watching a short part of this channel 8 programme and they were showing how people of China were getting ready for the Olympics. It totally amazed me how united they are in learning english. The language we all take for granted.

I mean....in the past we usually think that what sets us apart from the China Chinese people were our ability to speak English. We used to doubt that they could ever master the language properly. But look at where they are today? They are hardworking and very focus people. Once they set their mind to it they went all the way. It kinds of puts me to shame really. People from the age of young till old are learning english. And their pronounciation of words were way better than us. Honestly, we may scorn at their efforts and the way they do it but at the end of the day, they made it. Who are we to judge them? Comparatively i think we are a bit of arrogant.

ANYWAY, to catch up a bit of news with myself. I have just received the news about both my application results to University of Western Australia and University of Melbourne. I really want to go to the University of Melbourne and not because it's bigger or whatsoever. But more because of the accredition it possess. However, financial problems is keepying me from fulfilling and as a result everyone else in the family is asking me to go perth instead. I feel so sadden and confused. I mean... is cost more important than the recognition of the university and hence your degree?

Honestly, i don't even know exactly when or how to go about doing it. But i guess the "right" thing to do now is to draw up my very own financial plan. Time is not on my side so i have to hurry. Jia you winnie!

Growing up

2008-07-15T12:50:00.002+08:00

It's been so long...

I have been off the IT scene since forever. Finally managed to sneak a bit of time to go online on Saturday. Didn't expect so many people to talk to me. Haha but it makes me feel that i have been missed. Life has been a hell of a ride. Meeting up with people, catching up with old friends, farewell to a few of them and also birthdays! Lotsa programmes coming up. Went out with Qwen yesterday and we talked. She asked me, "How do you feel growing up?"

Me: "Well, i think kindda vulnerable."

Her: "Why?"

Me: "It seems that i want to feel protected, i feel too exposed to too many dangers."

I don't think she exactly gets how i was feeling cuz i wasn't even sure about it myself so how was i supposed to tell her either. Anyway, i know no matter what i have great friends. Friends whom will stick by me. I'm happy to say that i'm one of the lucky ones who can scroll down my contact list and find someone to talk to. =)

Well, i don't know what else i should say and people are coming back from lunch so i guess i better end here.

Graduation 2008

2008-06-24T15:41:00.005+08:00

I'm in sick with MC but i am doing up this post for the graduation which took place the very faithful day 28th May 2008. Blogger is acting up so i can't upload too many photos. I shall go for the very general group photos.

It's amazing the 3 years we have gone through. People i met through gurlfwens, IBSM and so many other events like friends of friends. Got the opportunity to know some better but others are just random people who we managed to have fun together. I went in Ngee Ann alone back then in 2005 and i come out with so many people who played a significant part of my life. I want to say a big THANK YOU!! to all you good people out there. Let's arrange for a big bang of events in the future!!

I'm still feeling the aftermath of the medications so i shall leave this for now. And roll out those photos =)

My darling mummy and me!

Some of the best people i met in my life.

Proud graduates of 2008

TA01 unite

See the circle of friends

My sweet colleagues who got this cute bear for us!!
The really big extended family of cliques
Our stage!!

Once again, thanks people for tolerating my nonsense and being part of my life. You guys are the best. Will always remember the times i spent with each and every one of you. Say how Stephanie always tolerate my indian accent. How the gurlfwens and i bitch in school and finding hideouts. How we camped at AMK mac doing our projects. THe things that happened during IBSM. The list goes on and on. But i know i treasure every single moment of it. Poly was the next best thing that happened to me. The first was knowing all the wonderful girls in Secondary school. Love u guys lots. Muacks...all the best for your future!

Oh happy day!

2008-06-17T07:59:00.002+08:00

I guess i have pulled myself out of the ditch and so i announce the future to be happy days!!! Read his blog today and life goes on so well for him. Why should i let him affect me so much? He is living his own life well and so i should do the same thing for my own sake and not cause he's doing great.

Life have never felt so sweet before. I'm quite determined to live my life differently from this moment. Keep my temper down, that is one thing. Gonna get myself a list of things to REALLY do. Gonna go for bite size stuffs first before seriously moving on to bigger things.

1) Lose weight
2) Exercise more
3) Eat more healthy food
4) Be nice to almost everyone
5) Let things go with the flow
6) Be more efficient at work
7) Commit time to family & friends

There...things i can do and start now =)

Things to really do in the future (which i hope is super near)

1) Learn a musical instrument
2) Learn spanish
3) Volunteer in something, working with children

Well...it will be another busy day and everyday i learn something new. So here i go on my learning journey of the day.

Talking myself to be strong

2008-06-09T21:20:00.002+08:00

I feel weak. Emotionally weak.

This blog is where you will get to read things about me that you most probably would not think that i am who you think i am. I stayed strong and this time i have a breakdown. One so bad i can't handled it. People have been asking me if i was okie, i could only say not really. To say he is the reason that caused everything would not be fair to him and i most likely would be lying a bit. But i can't find the source of it anyhow. All i know is that his return triggered it. It didn't mean that i blame him. Though i wish he had stayed back and not return to upset the balance that i have set in me. But alas fate enjoyed his little jokes once in a while.

I have been many friends pillar of support and this time i really feel like leaning on someone. Someone who allows me to fall and lean against him/her. I know most friends would jump right in and be that person for me. For that i'm thankful...but i...don't know how to say it.

I told myself not to be affected too much, especially when it is not fair to me that he does not know. Why torture myself mentally and emotionally? Need to stay strong. He is gonna return when his school starts so in the end i will not see him again. And if i decide to quit by then, it will be good. All connections coming to an end. Girl brace yourself yea? Things will be okie. Manz and Val will be there if you ever fail the meetings. Be strong, be a survivor not a peashooter.

Ditch me out?

2008-06-07T14:55:00.002+08:00

Yesterday was like a dream which till this very moment i can't help but keep thinking. Replaying the whole scene. It was yet another friday for a certain meeting. Walking with the girls to the place, getting stuck outside cause the automatic door can't open from the outside, talking to the security aunty while signing in and finally taking the lift up. Saw a certain someone and didn't think anything about it. Walking towars the room, i was wondering what food smell could be that strong when i heard a certain voice. A voice so familiar yet strange. Replaying in my mind all the guys that i know in the group yet i can't seemed to put a face to that voice.

Walking the last of 3, i saw a blur of blue and when i looked up, i was speechless. In my heart i was thinking "OH DEAR". In my mind i was thinking, "this can't be happening". The flutter in my heart and my stomach hursts. I told myself to calm down. It didn't help the fact that there was a lot of movement trying to get seats for all of us to fit in. I felt really awkward standing there. Finally getting our seats, we sat there listening to what a girl has to say. We split into committees and somehow we ended up being the last few to be selecting the group we wish to join. Meanwhile, i kept my eyes to myself looking at the girl beside him who was speaking. However, i did caught him looking at me. Then again, it could be he is just like looking around at everyone. How much do i want to believe that once again i had his attention in the past that i do not harbour too much hope this time.

After finalising our roles, we go into our own groups to discuss our roles. I am going to be involve with stage performance and so our idea was to find a drama group to lias with. One suggestion was a certain university drama group, which what would you know? the other guy in my life is in there. I was so shocked but i had to act professional. I always wondered if these two may know each other but i supposed if it does happen, i will know the answer won't i?

My group had a great time of discussions many idea generations. It was a good time, very productive. Since i was heading somewhere else with Valerie so we waited at the corridor and bond with 2 other girls. One of them is super cute and i decided i really liked her. She is my age but she looks way younger. Haha...so while talking, he came out and started talking with us. I was avoiding eye contact if possible. He was happy involved with talking to Manz and so i talked to another girl. I had a lot of fun cause we were very happy and in tune with each other. We felt so tired so we just sat on the floor and at that moment the other group decided that they are done and started packing up. Gee...hate it when these things happens.

Anyway... we had a walk to the MRT station. I don't know how i became walking in front when Valerie suddenly scream and jump and bump into me. I freaked out and jumped to my right for safety without expecting him to stop just there. Lo and behold i bumped into him, i apologize and carried on walking and chiding Valerie while laughing along at everything. In the train, we stood and talked a lot. Finally getting off at Raffles Place. Val and Manz asked me how i was feeling and really at the moment, i did not know what to feel. I didn't exactly wanted to think about it until they teased me and now it's stuck. Don't know how long more it is going to take for me to pull myself out of the ditch. The previous time was so bad it affected everything i was doing. I hope i can cope better this time round.

This has been a really long post and now it has lift a burden out of me. I'm happier after pouring everything out on this blog. Shall keep myself on my toes as i have another week to endure. Anyway...Sex and the City is a rather lovely movie. I loved it!!! But of course it's up to individual so...my opinions are mine. =)

Nothing much

2008-06-05T21:08:00.002+08:00

I have just returned from Vietnam and i feel so happy. I feel so restless being stuck in Singapore after the travel bug bit me. The next trip will be to Batam. Looking forward to that. It was a rush trip but i experienced a lot and felt a lot of things. We left after grad day. Brings me back to how far we have come. Photos for both will be up real soon if only i can find the time for it. For now i shall just end here and go read my book. =)

Happiness

2008-05-20T08:03:00.002+08:00

I was depressed for the past couple of weeks but after what someone said, i felt more comforted. Life goes on and so now i am simply planning for next year to go to australia and study. I was never one of those who was really determined to leave this place and travel aboard. But i guess destiny in life requires me to do so hence, i shall just accept it with an open heart. Going with Val could be a perk too. Afterall, there wasn't too much conflict between us.

Life has been busy and all i can look forward to is this weekend cause i will be on leave!! Leaving for Ho Chin Minh City this coming thursday after my gradution. The gown is super heavy especially on the collar. Anyway...got a lot of stuffs require me to do. So tada!!!

Keep Holding On

2008-05-15T08:24:00.004+08:00

Yesterday the letter came again, the disappointment is so great cause i have placed so much hope on it. I feel my future to be so bleak and unsure. I guess i am most likely to go to Australia for my degree. The headache comes in as to which university i want to go to and the cost of living. I mean it's cost versus the prestigious name of the university.

Was talking to Manpreet just now and i really got thinking about friends. I guess my perspective about friendship has greatly changed. I used to believe in "Friends Forever". However now, as long as i feel comfortable with you and i can talk to you then you are my friend. People whom i was used to be close to are no longer as close and vice versa. People change, environment changes and most importantly circumstances forces one to change.

It is great to meet new people but i guess i'm very happy when i have a couple of friends i can call upon when i am done. I mean i used to be one of those who can scroll down the contact list on my phone and realize that there is not one person i call to talk about my problem. But now things have changed. I have quite a few friends i can call upon and trust them to drop everything and talked to me. Here i want to say a BIG THANK YOU to all my angels. Thanks for being there for me when i needed someone. Giving me a hug when you know i needed it. Just a big thanks for being there for me, whether physically, emotionally or mentally.

It's sad that we lose friends along the way but life has a way of putting people back together or letting you meet new friends. Everyone is of different personalities and you experience different things with everyone else. I guess everything is fated, afterall we gonna die without bringing all these things with us. So i guess i should try not to let things affect me too much. Is it consider "enlightenment"? Haha

I can't even bother with love anymore. Just leave it as it is. Gonna just be myself don't want to think too much about it.

Losing faith

2008-05-11T21:55:00.002+08:00

The letter came and it was a 'No'. My dad received the letter but i do not know if he was trying to protect me or what. But i did not think he even opened my letter. My mum did and she told me.

We have learnt so many times to write a rejection letter and true to its' words it is nice on top and everything. Halfway true it was a straight NO. Instead of trying to comfort me by saying that my application have been thoroghly looked over and seriously considered. I was more upset cause i know and understand the fact that people who got good grades were not even considered. The most upsetting part for me was my first semester i did not do well but the rest i did work super hard. And i wasn't even given a shot at it. Upsetting is not just the word. I was upset with something else as well so i went to the toilet and cried. I did not even have any appetitte to eat anything.

I have made back up plans even put on a strong front. I am but just an ordinary girl who hopes for someone to catch me should i fall. Be there for me even when things gets a bit rough. Is that too much to hope for?

I even lost my faith. How scary is that?

Lazing around

2008-05-08T08:12:00.004+08:00

It's been so long since i last updated. In the mean time, i have caught up with the gurlfwens and cleared most workload. My uncle has passed away and once again, someone caught my eye but still it didn't mean much. It was amazing how a demise of someone can really show true emotions. People who usually not cry would let it all out at someone's funeral. My mother is one of them. She doesn't cry. I mean to see her cry is really like once in a blue moon. And i was quite surprise to see her crying when my uncle was pushed into the furnace thing. I cried when i think back of the time during CNY when i saw him sitting there and thinking to myself how it pains me to see a healthy man being turn into a sad state after a bad fall.

I did not expect that to be the last time i will be seeing him. I recalled the times when i was in primary school, how he really took care of me. I cried harder. When he was being pushed in and we were watching at the viewing gallery, my female cousin cried really hard. I felt so sad. But what makes it worst was when my uncle's sister cried and had to be supported by her son. She shouted while crying," BROTHER is gone!!" I broke down totally. My tears just fell and fell. In my life so far, i have attended 3 funeral and everytime i cried. Sometimes i wonder if the lesser time we spend with someone would affect how we feel. But no, that is not true. No matter how long or short a time you spend together, once you know the person is gone forever. Nothing can stop how you feel.

I mean it is common knowledge that one is born, grow old, fall sick and die. It is the human cycle. But no where says that why you still feel so sad about it. Sometimes i wonder if one takes comfort in knowing that the person has passed on to a better place. Moved on to another dimension and is still living. They dying just mean they no longer are in our physical world. There are so many sayings, too many theory but none can explain the pain and how to stop it.

Sigh...maybe i am just ranting a lot but i still cry at this moment as i am writing this. Maybe i am too mature for my age. Thinking beyond what one would think about. People my age may think about fashion and believe in something they believe in all along. I question a lot and i am constantly in search for answers. But answers no one is able to provide me so far. But my mind is relentlessly working.

Anyway, i feel this experience that i have never felt before also at my uncles's wake. Yes it is a sad affair but the feeling comes and i can't prevent it. I saw this guy from far away and immediately i thought about how cute he is. And i am quite sure i caught his eye too. I keep catching him glancing at me or looking at me from the corner of my eye. I too constantly search for him in the midst of everything. He is simply cute. Just the kind i would go for. He's not good looking. He is just cute with his hair and glasses and a bit of baby fats on the face. But surprise surprise he is not a tini bit plump. He kept trying to be near me but alas surrounded by family. Haix... he didn't make any move as well. Towards the end of the day then do i realized he is actually my cousin's friend. Super nice to come down and help out. Okie maybe i'm bias but... i also don't what to say. Hahah

All right, it's late so i better go off to bed. Nights all.

I long for the chance to sit somewhere with a cup of coffee and just look at people.

Amazing but true

2008-04-29T08:22:00.003+08:00

Saw you the other day, i don't know how to feel how not to feel. All i know is that in truth i have never ever forget you. How can i? When i am so constantly reminded of you. It's dumb cuz we're not even close enough to be friends. The closest term to use is family friend. Honestly, how perfect life would have been if i never seen you.

Seeing you has made me constantly think about you. My emotions are no longer my own. I feel happy when i see you and blue when i don't. I have already gave so many years of my life to you. I don't want to fall into that same thing any more and have to pull myself up again.

Enough is enough. I need to stay strong.

IQ>EQ>EI

2008-04-24T07:30:00.002+08:00

Yesterday started out beautifully but it ended up on an unplesant note. I was scolded and hang up upon. I don't think it was my fault either. Cried like 4 times. But feeling better today. I just pray nothing's gonna happen today. Why are the nicer clients nasty to me and the nasty once are nice to me. Ack heck...just part and parcel of life. Like the boss said, i need to learn to control my emotions as i grow up. It is no longer just IQ and EQ but EI as well. Emotions Intelligent.

Psst...dun tell anyone

2008-04-22T08:13:00.002+08:00

It's a bright Tuesday!! I'm feeling very happy and positive t0day. Feel the energy to accomplish a lot of things. Which is a good thing after all, having so many things to do for this week. Looking forward to this weekend where i get to go overseas for a while. Relax from everything else.

Kind of excited just thinking about it. Though i still moving very slowly for work, this is not good. Haix... k shalln't say more. Gotta head back to the workload.

Troubled Mind

2008-04-15T08:14:00.002+08:00

It's a tuesday and i have many thoughts in my mind yesterday. One main one was that suddenly people around me are getting attached. Not only that, they are attached to younger guys. What happened to the good old 'hooked with an older man'?

I used to be a bit shy to reveal that my parents are said case of younger men. One year younger that is. It was something not too popular in the past year, some even scorn at it. How we laugh that guys our age are not mature thinking, hence let alone those younger than us. But i suppose that i have been proven wrong, like my dad. Ack heck, not in my position to really care. As long as they are happy than i have no issues.

The blardy stalker is back!!!! Sickening...like i do not have enough trouble with someone irritating at work. Sheesh....*need to stay positive*

2008-04-13T17:34:00.002+08:00

Did not have a good week the past time, not too sure what is exactly is happening.

Feeling very tired and sleepy at the moment.

Did not managed to see A today but i know from his mother that he is having exams so yea.

Saw S's photo and it came out of me before i even have the chance to think.

I told myself i missed him, but i guess it could not be real.

He is just too far away.

Well... i think i had better end my post here before i start blabbering the unknown and may even say something which i don't want anyone to see

Teardrops on my pillow

2008-04-09T08:09:00.002+08:00

Why does it always happen, the disappointment in my life.

Why do you make promises and not keep them?

Why do you change your mind after making certain decisions.

If you are so good with calculating all that costs then apply it to your own finance!!

You said she make everything seemed easy then what about you?

The tears streaked down my face when i heard the same thing not just once but twice.

Any idea how pained i felt? It is always the same reason.

For years, i hear you say everything will be all right once you win the lottery.

Can't you wake up? For years, we are only able to live within means.

I tried saving money on my part and i don't see you doing the same thing.

Not only you do not save your money, you spend others.

I feel so teary now that i think about it again.

Sigh...changes i need to adapt to so let's make it gracefully.

Randomness

2008-04-08T20:56:00.001+08:00

Yesterday i was really tired hence the moodiness, today tiny things pissed me off. I also not sure what is happening. Sigh, i really hope to get everything sorted out. Maybe i'm not a good company today, many things i need to clear both on my desk and my mind.Keeping myself numb from the things that are happening, promising to keep my cool. S

ometimes i wonder if your birth month in which ever season kinds of make your attitude and behaviour like those in that season. Like i'm very much like winter i think, don't you agree? I get so cold sometimes, catching people unexpected. Like knowing it will snow but when it does you get really cold and you seek warmth. Guess i am like that....

Did i mentioned i hate pretendence? Hate it to the core man!! I can't stand people who like try to hide things when it is so obvious. I want to tell them like c'mon lah it's so obvious don't need to pretend to hide. But the other part of me wants to see what's gonna happen next and i have a good laugh at the other person's naiveness. Haha... okie maybe i'm mean.

Anyway, the good news is that my computer is fixed so the next job for me would be to fix in my new modem and everything will be up and running. Tomorrow is another day at work but i don't know if the other fellow will pissed me off. Guess i better say a prayer tonight. =)

Positivity makes the world spin

2008-04-04T08:24:00.003+08:00

I emo-ed yesterday so here i am to say that i'm not all that emo-ed. I'm happy too. A happy girl i am. Busy but happy. Tired but happy. I guess everything will be okie cuz it's FRIDAY!!! Weekend is here though i may have to go back to work but heck...hope nothing breaks me down today. Must stay positive!!

Hustle and Bustle of Life

2008-04-02T08:05:00.003+08:00

I know it has been really ages since i last come up and blog. So many things had happended over the past few weeks. Kind of find myself caught in all the midst of work. Have cried, tear my hair, bit my nails and tore at my clothes to meet dateline. Getting less than a breather, i'm up and running again for yet another dateline. The only happy news i can say is that i will meeting up with people i loved this year cuz of all the 21st birthdays. Oh perhaps another one would be me going for a short vacation. Didn't have the luxury to do so ever since i turned 16. It was all about work and school all the way till now. I can safetly say i deserved it.

I am writing this post early in the morning at work and i know like the privacy thing is really big these days but i guess things in this blog is safe to be posted? Haha... i mean everyone is really nice to me so there is nothing bad i can post about but if i really want to.... That ougth to keep you guessing about certain things.

Yesterday i was once again hit by the unknow wave of longing, longing for certain things and wishing that things will be okie once i wake up today. But thinking back it hurts, how i tried time and time again to stay strong yet i failed to be strong. I put up such a strong front that some may think nothing gets me down. Only some do understand that i am not as strong as i seemed and that my body has been scarred too many a times. Scars that none can see. The past haunts me sometimes, the emotional hurt, the betrayal, the pain for being the butt of jokes, the insensitivity of certain words spoken out. The dislike for myself, the distaste of certain things i do without thinking. All that was really dumb i would admit that.

Mmmmmmmmmmmoody

2008-02-29T22:21:00.002+08:00

It has been ages since i updated this blog, having a lot of mixed feelings. Things were i chose to believe yet afraid to actually accept the fact. Wanting to know the truth yet afraid that the truth hurts. Ey...just feeling moody and all that but i am okie.

Everyone is starting to plan their 21st birthday but this girl here aka me is just wondering how i should go about doing it. A part of me simply just want to forget about it and let it eat me up. The other part of me feels like celebrating a bit with thy family and friends. But everything is a big hassel and all...really not in the mood for anything.

I just want to stay at somewhere where no one can find me, sit there and think, sit there and cry, sit there and stare. I just want and need to be by myself. Really feel like crying but the tears kind of stuck there. Probably gonna cry myself to sleep tonight. So many things on my mind, answers which i know will come to me later but at the moment, it's just bothering my many thoughts.

Depressed winnie is not very fun isn't it? I told Val that it was better for me to speak than for me to be quiet. If i am really quiet, it is not exactly a good sign. Heck it...not in the mood for anything at all, hope a good celebration with some of the poly peeps will cheer me up.

TGIF

2008-01-25T22:04:00.000+08:00

It has been another week. A really busy one as it is. I feel so stressed out and upset sometimes. But today is the worst where i feel the pace moving so slowly that i just can't help it. I was almost doing nothing even though i was reading client's documents. Part of me is fighting against the urge of remaining as an accountant. Whereas the other part of me is telling me i've come so far and the right thing to do is continue with it.

I guess i really need to think about it carefully. But meanwhile, i know i will keep this job till i decide my next move. The only thing i can pray for is not having work being so stressful everyday. I just can't cope with it. My astrology today tell me that i will be thinking about love. And how right was it. I did and still am thinking about S. Just can't seemed to get him out of my mind. It hadn't been so these days. Controlling myself not to go check out his anything. But yet again, ling reminded me of phiphi. Really wondering where he's at now. But i don't doubt for a single second that he is doing very well. Probably even attached now, oh wells...relationships changed people.

Just random blabbering. I better go off soon. Tomorrow got AH's meeting better be ready for it. =) Have a good weekend everyone

Something short

2008-01-22T22:25:00.000+08:00

I've been neglecting my blog for a super long time. Well these days have been really busy and stressed. Everytime i got a slight breather, something big comes along and catch me off guard and it will mean toiling myself to get through it. Work has been fun nonetheless, everyone is super nice from the boss to the seniors always willing to teach. Tried explaining tough things to me and really guiding me along. But i still cried the the other day, may be cuz i was giving myself too much pressure. Things go on, yesterday nearly had a break down once again but i did my utter best to hold them back. I did succeed at some point and still managed to stay cheerful.

I feel that there is just so many things i wanna do. Really start realizing what i have been doing and i what i really want to do. Many new things i wanna learn but i don't want it to be something on impulse so i'm hanging on to the motivation and notion of it till the time i really confirm that it is something i wanna do. Also realizing my responsibility and the role i want to play in my family. This time i'm focusing more on my person development as well. Turning 21 do have an effect on my mentality. And so far it has all been very positive! =D For the past couple of years i've been ruled over by not being in a relationship and sharing the experience of it while people around me are having the ball of their life. But this time, i am so occupied by other things that i rarely really stop to think about it any more. Keeping myself numb is not effective, keeping my mind busy is a better way that i find out. Haha

All right, having a lot of things in mind right now and i don't know how to put them down. Well need to have an early start tomorrow. So i guess i shall end here now. Really missing everyone!!

Poly friends of mine, if you're reading this please let me know what do you think of a nice gathering on the 1st Feb where we all finished attachment?

Secondary school friends of mine especially Qwen and Joyce, a gathering soon? Let me know the period you're free.

Well, here's the quote of the post: "I know not what the future holds, but I know who holds the future. ~Author Unknown"

Hope it gets you guys thinking. As for me well it is very true and something we hear a lot of time but it always applies. Simple example, i cannot tell you whether i will reach home on time tomorrow but i can still control it by making myself work harder so that i can finish and come home early. So long for now then, have a great week ahead whatever you may be doing.

YEAR 2008

2007-12-31T21:23:00.000+08:00

Today is the last day of 2007 and i had a driving test booked in the morning. Hoping to end my year 2007 with a happy note but alas, it was not to be as i would be required to attempt it once more. I was terribly upset with 38 points. Left eyelid has been jumping which equals to nothing good will happen as it usually does. But i'm glad i planned to meet up with Qwen after everything to sing at kbox. Wanted partyworld but nothing was going smoothly so we just had to move on.

Anyway...i ended Year 2007 with a happy note. I ended off knowing that i'm loved by the people i love. That is good enough for me. I love everyone... my family and my friends. Every single one of them.

So the time has come for me to reflect on 2007. There were many problems during the last semester, many temper rising but i kept it well down. Last semester of school was memorable, the 1st sem where only few GFs remain in the same class. Where we find ourselves working with different people, people who can be good friends but not project mates. And time flies where we head off to our own attachment companies. Meeting up with some of them for the first couple of months. Amazing how much friendship blossomed over the year. Thankful for both old and new friendships that i have.

As for the Love department, it is as empty as the shelves are during christmas. I spent it getting over people. Only improvement i did was to finally find the guts to talk to one of them. But as the year is coming to an end, i find the certain person to be not as i thought he is or was. Maybe i was no longer blinded by love. Year 2007 is coming in to a closure and so i'm finding closure in things as well. Feelings is one of them.

New Year's Day is drawing near as i'm typing this post. I don't think i'm gonna count down this year as i usually do the previous years. But i do intend to make some serious NY's resolutions. Scientist researched that for woman to be successful in sticking to their NY resolutions will be to tell their friends or family. As for males...i think it is to set goals or something. Can't remember, anyway... here goes for mine.

*enjoy life more
*work harder
*volunteer
*study harder
*spend more time with my friends
*spend more time with my family
*lose weight
*to get organized
*exercise regularly
*doing more things for other people

There goes my list. Hopefully i stick to more of them this time round. It's different, i can feel it. Gonna break through tradtions.

Here's me sharing some New Year's quote!!

1) Year's end is neither an end nor a beginning but a going on, with all the wisdom that experience can instill in us. ~Hal Borland

2) Cheers to a new year and another chance for us to get it right. ~Oprah Winfrey

3) For last year's words belong to last year's languageAnd next year's words await another voice.And to make an end is to make a beginning.~T.S. Eliot, "Little Gidding"

Birthday Me

2007-12-12T08:05:00.000+08:00

I know this is rather late. But still i wanna make use of this post to thank some people for their birthday wishes to me.

Hall of Fame:

* Qwendolyn

* Manpreet

* Yi Ling

* Emily Sis

* Mark

* Tharuka

* Audrey

* James

* Wei Ting

* Zhi Jia

* Yong Wei

* Stephanie Soo

* Nick Freshie

* Bao Yi

* Wen Song

* Jing Yi

* Kengie

* Yi Zhen

* Charlotte

* Marie

* Michelle

* Candice

* Qing Xing

* Wei Xian

* Joyce

* Zhi Wen

* Celine

* Wan Qi

* Valerie

* JinXuan

* Jeffrey

* Random Facebook frenz

* Andrea

* Kelvin

* Jasmine

* Ying Ying

* Jasmine

Work was really fun because of the celebrations. People have tried to make it a surprise for me but still...i was able to predict the moves. Haha... the whole day i was looking forward to dinner with the girls. Really touched that people came. I did enjoy myself though i was quite tired. Sorry to my darlings, cuz i wasn't much of a company but nonetheless i'm very happy we met up. Photos i didn't receive from joyce so i can't put it up. =)

All right...i better go back to work.

Moody

2007-12-01T21:27:00.000+08:00

Well...i dunno how i should begin this post but i shall try. My previous post mentioned about closure yet not being able to obtain that. The person i like is at the other side of the world. That is for one thing so how do i find closure in that? Beside, i won't even think we are friends. Just someone i met along the way. Haix... the situation is too hard and complicated to put in words.

Take things lighter for now. That is all i want to say.

Quote of the post: "A birthday is just the first day of another 365-day journey around the sun. Enjoy the trip. ~Author Unknown"

Guess this quote is right. I was born on my birthday and that is the day i first begin my journey in life. So when it comes it's just another journey around the sun. So i guess i might as well enjoy the ride.

Dadada

2007-11-28T13:31:00.000+08:00

Well...am working again but meeting the pokie girls next tuesday. Can't wait... trying to find closure of some sort. But obviously the position i'm in with him is impossible. Anyway...i guess it's good he's so far away. Shall just nurse myself back emotionally. All right back to work. =)

Good and Rotten

2007-11-16T22:49:00.000+08:00

Darn it!! My whole post gone!! ARGHH!!!

Okie shall try to restart it.

I was officially announcing that i have great fear of Blangahdeshi, sorry if i spelt it wrongly. Don't get me wrong, i am not being racist here okie because later i'm gonna talk about another race different from my own that i like. I have many reasons to fear them because of my personal experiences. There was this time when i was walking past a construction side to meet my mother at her workplace. There was a whole bunch of them opposite the road who were cat-calling and making a lot of din hoping to attract my attention. But with my ipod securely in place, i walked on trying to act fearless and ignoring all that they were doing. But inside, i was worried sick. So scared that when i see a couple of them coming my way, i cross over to the other side of the road.

Another time was when i was crossing this junction, this group of them started closing in on me trying to bump me and all that. Luckily i managed to wiggle out without any contact with them. The worst part was that they even had the cheek to laugh!! I felt really humilated and angry at that. Things didn't help by the fact that i am currently being stalked by a Blangahdeshi, who loiter around my office building every morning. He even tried once to like cut in front of my path waiting for me to bump into him. Hello!! I'm not that dumb all right!! I am really worried can. =S Really hoping there is some guy who can protect me every morning by sending me to work and hopefully that stalker gets the hint to buzz off and never affect me again. Since that is not going to happen, any one have any idea to help? Don't ask me to tell him off, i don't want to see him let alone talk to him. EEPS!!! PLEASE SOMEBODY SAVE ME!!! I can't stand living in constant fear.

Today my driving instructor was a Malay and he is super duper cute!! Name is Azman. He really rocks and he made me recalled that my very first driving lesson's instructor is also a Malay and that one is both cute and rather hot!! Which led me to think of Qi and Awi. Hahah...there's just something about them being gentle which is so heartbreakingly sweet and charming. Goodness, i'm swooning!! Hahah jkjk...but really they are rather charming people. Not all but some and i'm glad so far those i've met are nice.

There are two types of people for every group. One good and one bad. Like Blangahdeshi, not all are bad. I know the guy who cleans my block is super duper nice and helpful. But the rest are so scary from the way they stare at you. It's as though they are waiting for you to come into their clutches for them to manipulate you. Okie maybe not manipulate but stilll you know. So i'm really scared of them. Fear Factor 100%!!

I kept getting attention from wrong kind of people. Haix...first an indian, then a Nigerian and now a Blangah!!. When is all that gonna stop? Some may say i'm lucky and maybe asking too much but honestly, if you like them you can keep it ALL to yourself. If i should have the attention from the wrong kind of people, i rather have none at all. Seriously, i'm not the least flattered.

Sigh...mixed feelings.

Quote of the post: "Everything is funny as long as it is happening to somebody else. ~Will Rogers" Goodness!! I love this quote. So true lah...if say you fall down, you're in pain so you don't exactly laugh at it. But if it happens to someone else, you can't help but laugh but the guilt gets the better of you and you decide to help the person up. But still you can't help stifle a laugh. Haha...am i right? No, this quote is so true cause i got it from "That's so true!!" quote. OKie not funny... off i go then being a happy girl till monday comes and it's another week of morning fear. =(

Life's complications

2007-11-13T21:07:00.000+08:00

Have been dropping so much hints but i guess someone is just not getting it. Even if the person does get it, there's nothing the person can do. So here i am again, right where i first began. It was all an illustion. I sure hope it ain't the case but who am i to say what is and what isn't? LIfe goes on every time doesn't it? The hurt, pain, memories just follows us around but we still have the power to choose when to dispose them. But sometimes, recalling the memories tend to be rather comforting to know and you may even remember the happier moments though it still reminds you of your loss. Haix...life is complicated because we see it as it's complicated. =) Cheem!? I know! Hahah

All right quote of the day: "Age is an issue of mind over matter. If you don't mind, it doesn't matter. ~Mark Twain"

That is so true!! If you don't keep thinking and minding that you're turning older, it doesn't really matter how old you are! NEAT!!!

Family

2007-11-12T21:34:00.001+08:00

Family...i finally truly understand the meaning of the word today. Things happened and yet my family still accepts me wholeheartedly. It's not like i committed a biggie sin but a small little thing yet makes me realized just how valuable family is. And i don't want that to stop. =D

Somebody save me!

2007-11-12T08:18:00.000+08:00

Damn...morning wasn't all that good!! That blardy stalker was so brave that he actually was stalking outside our building!! PISSED!!!!!! Hope he rots in hell!! No wait...i want him to disappear from my life like forever!!! URGH!!!! Will someone please come and protect me from this irritating fella!! A short one make that!

I know i'm mean but i'm real worried yea? I've run away countless of time and the only place i can't run away from is my office...so God HELP ME!

Happy Deepavali to ALL

2007-11-08T11:20:00.000+08:00

Ah...it's a HOLIDAY!!!! Happy Deepavli to all out there!!

Work has been okie..things going a bit slow. Internet hates me and i don't like it either too muhc. *wrinkles nose* Driving was a bit better until i got back my old instructor and realized that damn, i'm weak. But i'm still learning nonetheless. Busy busy busy...that is all i can say.

Oh i miss my quote of the "day" blog so here goes "The best way to succeed in life is to act on the advice we give to others."

I really liked this one, every time someone comes to us with problems we tried giving them advice. But when we are in the same problem or similar ones, our advice often leave us and we may not be aware that we're hearing the same advice from other people too. So go on think back of the things we may have advise others and act on it for our own. =)

Happy Holidays, love all!! I'm always in a loving mood during festive seasons whether or not i celebrate them. =D

2007-11-06T08:29:00.000+08:00

Something someone said really rouse something in me.
I smiled when i heard it.

Updates

2007-11-04T20:37:00.000+08:00

Finally it's the weekends, i'm happy to report that i have completed stage 2 of my driving. All is left is the evaluation of it and then i can move on to stage 3 and beyong. Test is on 31st Dec. Pray hard that i will do pass!! Jia you winnie!

Work is okie i guess. Learning a lot of things. I guess as long as you're willing to put in an effort and try to learn, even simple things like filing you learn something. That's the attitude i should adopt or am trying to. =) And i made a resolution for myself, i'm simply gonna focus on being me. That leads me to trouble though, i stood so near to my stalker at the bus-stop lah! Can't believe i could be so dumb!! UGHH!!! pissed with myself. Anyway yoga is doing me good, feeling a better alignment of the body. Whoo...too bad lesson's ending wondering if i should continue the next level. Shall see how it goes ba... take one step at a time. All right then, off i go to watch Scooby-doo!! Hee

Outing with beloved

2007-10-21T15:54:00.000+08:00

This is basically gonna just be a photo post. Met up with my two favourite people in the world. My wifes...Joyce and Qwen it was an outing we had waited for a long time. Meeting them always brightens me up and it was good because i had it pretty bad the couple of weeks back. It was a day of unexpectancy. Wanted to eat at Maxwell ended up at Amoy street. Went to "Books Actually" a cool shop selling books. Walked to China Town and instead of going straight to Bugis, hopped on free translink bus which brought us to douby gaut and instead of Bugis, went to Istana Open House. Joyce nearly lost her phone, thank GOD for the kind driver who picked it up. Joyce went home early whereas me and Qwennie went to Kbox. It was a superb day and it can't get any better.

2007-10-15T21:34:00.000+08:00

I'm so tired these days and i don't even know why. I do have my full 7+ hours of sleep but it ain't enough. Yesterday's lesson have left me in pain. Now my whole body is aching. Work is very routine. Currently doing the updating of client's data... well i guess i will have to shove what i said in my mouth. "There is always something to be learnt from whatever you are doing"

Mummy had a bad fall on thursday but thankfully nothing's broken. She's coming home tonight from Genting but i think the pain is stopping her from walking. Poor mummy hope she recovers soon. *prays* I'm so tired...better go off now

2007-10-09T21:25:00.000+08:00

Sigh...can't find my O levels cert. Where exactly in the world did i left it the last time? I can still picture it in my head but sadly not its' hiding place. Darn...is it possible to get a replacement for it?

Haix...felt silly today after telling Lin about both A and S. Well...not too much about them just super briefly and kindda realized i'm really dumb and silly. Waited so long for A and went through so much pain. Wasted those years man...but i don't not even for a second regretted falling for him. Sigh...wish things had been different. Wish i didn't do all that stuffs i did. So many wishes of not doing something or wishing i had done something. So many "only ifs" and time for regrets. So much for promising myself to do things i shall not regret. Hmm...if i were exactly to think about it, i did tried. Haha well...tomorrow is another working day. All i do is work and work. Pretty tired and i have know my agendas for this weekend. Boy will i be busy. Feel like sitting by myself somewhere quiet and just think about things. Man...it's the simple things in life which you can't get that makes it seemed like a luxury.

Staying strong

2007-10-06T17:48:00.000+08:00

It's Saturday...had a good talk with Manzie yesterday. I guess my feelings for him didn't fade that much. Have been crying for the past couple of days. Cried myself to sleep, so many problems i'm facing. Matters of the heart and family, felt so alone. But i'm glad to report i'm feeling much better already. Things didn't go my way and i had an attitude act on Dicky. Don't want to think so much about it already.

I've gotta go my own way so i can be who i really am. I can't exactly escape from everthing so the only way is to control myself emotionally. Locking heart and allow no one to enter. Ain't gonna start reflecting my feelings as well. Reflecting only brought hurt, pain and more tears. Enough is enough. I'm gonna be stronger than before you left me. Gonna start picking up the pieces of my life. The broken ones are gonna be swept away and dump into the dumps.

No one to rely on except myself.
No one to tell me who i am.
Am on my own and i gotta work through it.
Staying strong and focus on the goal
And very soon i'll be at the top of the world once more.

Lil' Ms Pissy

2007-10-03T20:42:00.001+08:00

My 130th post this makes. I don't know why, feeling moody all day long. Thinking a lot about things. Wonder why and how things changed. Currently replaying "I gotta go my own way" in my ipod. I see my life being so dull...feeling so restless about things. Sigh...things ain't going my way at all and i'm not afraid to tell others i'm pissed. I've told Dickson...and i've said this many times i'm pissed and i'm hecking it. Don't care no more!!! Off i go

Surprise surprise

2007-10-01T20:51:00.000+08:00

I had a surprise today. Wasn't at all expecting that...was it so obvious to her that i liked him? I didn't even mentioned names. Oh gosh...that is so scary. Had a nice lunch and meeting with Mrs ___. Can't stop thinking abt it...but i guess it will nv be since he'll always be too busy.

anty business

2007-09-27T08:11:00.000+08:00

Whoo...am at work now. Hahah not working though just slacking around. Heavy rain so i guess alot of us will be late. Can't believe that this week will mark my attachment of 1 month. 4 more months to go. I can't believe time flies or is gonna fly. When it was few months back i remember thinking oh boy! Attachment is gonna be so sian. EVen though i did work admin for slightly more than half a year after my Os at certain bank. Nowadays blogs ain't safe any more. Anyone can simply use a keyword and trace to your blog. Certain teachers or even working colleagues will be able to find your blog and read.

I guess it can be good and bad in all terms. If you are interested in a certain some one, you can search for their blog. OKie there could be the privacy issue but no blog is private any more. And we see people abusing it sometimes. Sigh...sometimes it's because of what some people did that the rest of us would have to forgo some benefits that was free for all of us.

Okie getting too serious up there. Hahaha i know i know it's been so long since i last blogged. Many things had been happening and i find myself being less tolerant on certain things. Hahah i also dunno why. Saw Lynn on the bus yesterday with her friend. Oh man i miss the days with her back in secondary school. I'm thinking about alot of things but i not very sure what i'm trying to find out at the end. Maybe i'm concern/worried over nothing. Heck lah...gonna start work soon better get off the com. CIAOZ!!!

Emotional Rollercoaster

2007-09-15T20:17:00.000+08:00

The second week of work has ended and nothing much did happened. Well...actually something did but i guess i don't wish to elaborate over here. If you are seriously keen to know then give me a buzz of something. Yesterday managed to meet up with Dickson, Xhi Ween, Yong Wei, Vion, Valerie, Yiling, Yi Zhen and Stephanie. Was really happy and touched that everyone tried to make the effort to be there. Most of all, i'm very surprise that Steph and Yi Zhen agreed to come. On the disappointing side some others were unable to make for whatever the reasons they may or may not have told me. But nah don't worry if you're reading this, I don't blame you. Just a bit sad. But i look forward to seeing all of the rest of them at future gatherings.

Went home with Dicky and Xhi Ween, talked and listened alot. Realized that these two guys i still don't really know them enough. We really talked a lot about relationships and honestly i get a bit of insights into guys. Took the last bus home, hahah it feels great being able to meet up with them. Really had a good time laughing out loud and talking crap and talking them out loud. Was quite high at that and we even took a neoprint together. Had a bit of Astrology signs lesson conducted by Ms Chew. HAha

Today really nice to sleep in and then wake up for breakfast. Later head on out to get my jacket. Was quite happy to be able to get a jacket and a blouse that is not long sleeves for work. Even comes along with 20% discount. Whoo...winnie is a happy girl.

These days was feeling about depress and after discussing even more depress. Got demand no supply. I'm too tired to bother about it already. Like i've told Dicky, if it comes it comes. If it doesn't i don't really care. See...that is how tired and worn out i've been.

Charity

2007-09-09T10:35:00.000+08:00

So tired of everything. I cried a good while before falling asleep due to fatigue. Before long it was wakie time time to travel off to Malaysia. It was raining and the bus was late. Had to help the people do a couple of stuffs cuz we were travelling with people who are in the older aged group. Who would have thought that i ended up caring for them though most are super healthy for their age. I had a long day but it was fulfilling cuz it's some what like volunteering work. And it's the little things that makes it significant. Honestly, many of us complains that we do not have time for charity. And the rather easy way out is donating. That is a form of charity. One do not have to go to a home or centre and serve to be doing charity and volunteering. Just a simple act of giving up your seat is a form of charity. The amazing thing about charity is that it does not force you to do. Just do it and your reward is so much more. Really considering to do charity/volunteering work. Anyone interested to join me? Let's find a good home and work. ^^

Blast out

2007-09-07T21:12:00.000+08:00

Well...it's afterall the first week of attachment. It was okie...just that i fell sick. Really thankful to the people there, they are all super nice, caring and understanding. I even get to rest a while but i felt bad so decided to get some work done like filing. I ended up K.O for some good time. Really glad to have met Carlin and James as my intern friends. They are like so nice lah...but i really wanna thank is "peter". Super caring and really sweet. He's the one who brightens up my day even if i may be having a bad one. Really nice chap. (don't think so much...he's somebody's man and they really meant for each other.) Whoo and i met a girl names "Siti" hahah we met even before i work here. It's indeed a small world out there. All righty, gonna go sleep now better have a good rest. Need to recharge myself for a whole week ahead.

Girls think a lot

2007-08-29T22:16:00.000+08:00

Met up with Xian and Aud today. Though it was only for a couple of hours, i'm really glad we met up. Talked so much with them, makes me really want to organize a bit gathering for the rest of the girls. Just girls only so that we can have a good day out. Shall really organize it soon, so people reading this please do let me know which period of time you may be free so we can go out all right? Thanks. Shall update more soon. =D Night all

By the way... i think i may be missing someone. I'm not in love if anyone of you is wondering and my blog is not emo.

Living in an imperfect world

2007-08-27T22:13:00.000+08:00

Went to watch 881 with Mummy and Fran. Didn't exactly cry though, just teared. Maybe it's because i tried finding humour in the sad scenes. Don't know why either haha. But those Hokkien songs certainly brought back fond memories which i shalln't elaborate further for fear of boring you. Realized that someone is currently overseas and i think beginning studying. Won't be seeing the back of that person for the next few periods. Well i do hope that when we do meet up, i will be a very different person. First thing of course is losing those extra lards i carry around. It's beginning to affect me, not because i want to look good. okie Not mainly that but more of my personal health. You might be thinking like, "are you kidding me? Who cares about health now? What we care about is style and make up and all that". But i don't know, guess sickness scares me.

Anywhoo...attachment is in one week's time. This friday Qi is leaving for Shanghai, will definitely miss her. Am seriously considering studying in Aust. After all, with my grades i can make it to the top university there. I have always took a different route from my cousins and all that. When i entered the Normal stream couple of years back, there was big hooha over it. And while the rest of the family went off to JC, i decided to head on to the poly route. Never have imagined myself to be in poly. But now i proudly say i am a poly student. Never regretted it even though i did consider if i may have made the right choice entering the course i'm in. But nonetheless, i'm glad i made the choice i did. Now it's left with me heading off to a good university. Am considering the states but it's too far off and money is still the issue.

Shall really pray hard to enter into a good university. An experience vs. reality. Man...life ain't perfect.

soaking in the love and misses

2007-08-25T00:20:00.000+08:00

I'm back!!! *loudly declared* Exams are so O-V-E-R!! I can't believe that i am actually considered to have graduated from NP. Even though there is still attachment to go. Honestly, if i don't wish to continue studying this is the last time i'm having exams. Feels so weird to be walking in school and telling myself that it was the last official day of school. Can't believe i've spent the last two years back there. It all just feels like yesterday. Back in sec school when it comes to graduation i felt like i have indeed spent the time there. But poly is just like a breeze. In the whirl of all that, don't exactly know what had happened. If i were really to dig deeper i can of course find many things as evidence of my stay but it is just so fast.

Time didn't wait for me. As a result, my theory for my AFA paper was screwed. A bit worried but not too affected as i expect myself to be. Had an outing after that with Dickson, Xhi Ween, Sherling, Yi Ling and Bao Yi. Didn't have too much of a fun guess everyone was just too tired. But still i treasure it cuz like some what last outing le. My computer is failing me, one minute i was happily talking on MSN den it got disconnected and refused to open up no matter how many times i open it. SAd!! Then friendster refused to let me log in. Oh wells, can't really care at the moment. Am slacking all i can before my attachment starts. I seriously pray and hope that everything will be okie for me. GTG snooze my way away.... whooo....

It can't get any more similar

2007-08-10T22:20:00.000+08:00

I promise this shall be my last post till after the exams. Who's to know what may happen in between? The first paper is on the 13th. Amaths that is. Well i suppose that i can only pray for the paper to be easy. Hopefully, Mr Mah isn't gonna come up with any funny stuffs. Or else, i would be so dead!! But i think it will all be okie. Shall pray for it and for all the rest of the papers too. I think that maybe that S and A do know each other. After all being in the same JC and same age, very high chances of them knowing each other. My goodness, that will be so____ i dunno. Anyway, before you think i'm going boy crazy or gaga or whatever. I just want to say i'm very sane and i know what is going on. But a girl can dream can't she? Well i'm not exactly dreaming any way just pondering. Shall end here now and maybe hit the books before hitting the sack. Ciaoz...shall be back when it's all over on the 22nd.

Secret let out

2007-08-08T20:21:00.000+08:00

Daddy made a comment which really surprised me and all i can say is that they should be happy that at least i decide to let it out. Don't know why but i felt the need to let them know about "_" but definitely the other one has gotta wait. I supposed that one will never ever be told.

Busy weekend

2007-08-06T21:45:00.001+08:00

Decided to not blog about the company i will be working at. Nonetheless, i think i may be able to find some joy in work. Well, i had been rather busy over the weekends. Went out on friday to driving in the morning before heading over to Fran's house to meet up with her. Walked some distance from the MRT. Decided to slacked a bit before cabbing down to The Cathay for a movie. 'Perfect Stranger" was rather interesting, but not really up to expectation. I guess as one grows up, one see things differently. Then it was off to East Coast for cycling. Stopped to had ice cream before heading off home and straight to bed.

Saturday rolled in and i had to go down to HPB. Left my house late and so took a cab down, didn't expect it to be such a long way. Cost slightly over 10 bucks. Met Manz and headed off up, was in the toilet when yockie called. Told her we were on our way up. Don't know why everything when we are missing, she calls me. Hahah anyway met up with 5 new people. Can understand how come they were chosen for it. Had some awkward moments between 2 people and us. Makes me/us wonder if there could be rumours flying around. But couldn't care too much cause i doubt i will ever find out. 2 notices, 1 oblivious=confusion w/o confirmation Was feeling feverish but i guess i was quite active. Didn't think my presentation was that funny, but who knows. Glad i relaxed some what. Ended and went home when daddy drove me. Nice dinner and then home to open my attachment letter.

Sunday came by and went out with mummy early in the morning. Had my favourite breakfast but didn't seem to have so much of an appetite. Went to a couple of places, got 2 bags meant to use them during attachment. Next will be shoes and more clothes. And then heading off down to PS to watch movies with the family-who-returned-from-the-states and my niece and nephews. Felt sad that the distance between us had became much wider than when we were in Singapore and they in the States. But i tried, guess had too much pressure and distractions going around. But oh well, i guess i may have to try harder at the chalet. On the way back had a nice talk with Jeremy, i felt overjoyed over what was told to me. Yet in a way sad and disappointed when i reflect upon my own failure. Decided to bond closer with Mummy by deciding to tell her that i like/d "S". Surprising she was like not much of a reaction. Guess she didn't expect it to be serious or she treat it very normally.

Decided to show Mummy his photo. So amazed over the fact that she said he's rather good looking. Hahah mummy approve lei!! Wow....okie well but things are never gonna happen between us. Just so.... i don't know. Chemistry not present? I don't know and well i can't be bothered. As long as i stay natural and true to myself i can't exactly care what will be and is going on. Shall end here to maybe cram in a couple of things for exams. Ciaoz to all..

Forwarding game

2007-08-06T21:29:00.000+08:00

Rules of the game : **Each player of this game starts off with ten weird things or habits or little known facts about yourself. **People who get tagged must write in a blog of their own ten weird things or habits or little known facts as well as state this rule clearly. **At the end you must choose six people to be tagged and list their names. No tagbacks!

I like to - read books a lot
I am - almost never without my glasses or contact unless i'm asleep
I hate - to be misunderstood.
If I could fix one part of my human body - it will be smaller built.
I can -give the "evil" look very naturally.
If I could date a female celebrity, I would date - Ella, she is just so cute!!
I’m attracted to - men who have a great built and tanned.
I will - tour the world if i have the capital.
I am - almost never the one to make the first move.
I must- have my freedom or else, i would find ways to run away.

6 persons chosen to do this are:
Audrey
Qwen
Joyce
Gwen
Wei Xian
Michelle

Memories that i wil take with me as i leave

2007-08-01T23:37:00.000+08:00

I hope for some understanding that i really am busy and you are not. I have many things to clear and i want to do my best. I've tried to make time for you and i try to squeeze as much time as possible so please don't force more out of me. I'm already on the verge, at the brink of breakdown. Any moment now. All is required will be a little more pushing and i will totally go flop.I pray for you to stop being so demanding on me okie.

This week is the last official week of school. I've survived this far, and i must say i will miss the girls. This year my bond with certain people have improved greatly. We were strangers when we first step into this school back in 2005. I can still remeber vividly that i was quite amused by Ashley. Wanna thanks Cindy for being the first one to approach me to talk. I can still recall, i was so shy and awkward that i took comfort in my phone and i was sms-ing Qwen at that time. I can still remember the first time Manz, Val and i got closer was walking to Atrium together and talking about our classmates. Girlfriends unite when Mark was "with" us. And then time speed by we started doing projects doing with yuvan in year 2 for business law. Still fresh in my mind that i was shaking when we had to draw lots over who's to join who's group. Really had fun with Yuvan and Qi doing the Gemini Handshake. Then year 2 last sem, we see Constance with us and we always do "xin li che yan" during MA. Then it was IBSM trip with Ling. Got to know more people who became friends like Dickson, Zhi Wen, Guan Hong, Bao Yi and Stephanie whom i got closer to for both of them. Then there was Benson, Yong Wei, Nicholas, Carol, Xin Ni, Edward, Christine, Elizabeth, Andrea, Joyce, Jasmine, George, Wei Xuan, Rong Xing and all the rest who are not so close. 12 days in China made me realized i can survive well out there without my family.

School reopened and got closer with Vion. Did projects together and got to know Peter and Jasmine. Took class photo today but didn't feel the bond. Was taking it for the sake of taking it. Quite sad about that but nonetheless, like Ling said if we had more time i think we would be closer. Last day of common test, had a great outing with "the impossible combination". Didn't expect myself to have such a great time.

I'm really thankful for every single person i met in NP. It was really great, the lecturers were like friends and friends were like really fun. Thinking of the stuffs i've learnt, i feel myself growing up. I mean i went from Expenses to be Debit all the way to analysing ratios for projects. There was however, a lot of test for friendship. Like during IS and for other modules. But by tomorrow 5 p.m, our last project will be over. I'm so stressed out. At least i can take a breather before beginning my Exam preparations which i shamefacedly admit i haven't begin. But i promise myself i will.

I will miss everyone. Girlfriends and the rest of the friends. Those times we bitch during lunch, lectures and online. Our private jokes, project process and so many more wonderful memories. Gonna miss those times we went out of school for food. Think we left quite an impression to the places we went. The eye candying and getting over crushes. Guess almost all of our past crushes have turned out quite badly. I'm really glad i can find true friends in poly.

I came in alone
I took away more than i brought with me
The memories
The laughter
The tears
All that will be with me and always be a part of me.

Thanks to all who made my poly life so special as it is. Love you guys.

time never waits

2007-07-31T23:15:00.000+08:00

I'm so stressed out. Sometimes, we human are so selfish. Refused to do more when we already planned it all to do what we gonna be doing. The tears dried up but life moves on. Having to complete so many things, it's a wonder i survive it at all.

Loving it!

2007-07-29T22:40:00.000+08:00

I'm so swooning over bryan wong in 9pm drama series. I think it's the whole get up. Manly yet boyish!! Whoo...so my type. No wonder in the show he has 3 people falling for him even though he unintentionally turn-ed on his charms. Hahah my second favourite is Tay Ping Hui. So man...commando yet when he see felicia he turns all shy and even tell lame jokes. Haha Really enjoyed watching the show. But i guess exams are coming soon so it seriously limits the amount of time i can spend on stuffs like now, blogging. It can wait. This may yet again be my last entry. I don't know. Haha well people pray for me.

Bzzz...

2007-07-25T23:11:00.000+08:00

People who cares bother to ask. People who don't tried to pretend they do not know.

Well...super long day today. Very tired as to it. Today had final theory lesson 1.01. Felt so lonely alone. Some more got this guy sit like two seats away from me kept looking at my direction. Is confirm to be looking at me cause beside me is the wall. I was like what is wrong with him. But he is not bad looking except for the hair and the fact that he smokes. Well i saw his cigratte box on the table. I think he reminds me of Jon. Later while waiting for driving lesson, he sat behind me and i didn't bother much. Then later he suddenly squeeze in and sat beside me. He didn't talk to me lah. But just sat there and kept moving. I was a bit pissed so i got up and left to print my paper anyway. Sigh....driving wasn't so good today. Don't know why. Maybe cause i was too tired or because Val "cursed" me. Anyway, i failed 1 out of 2 things. It's the coordination with the accelerator and clutch that is killing me. Irritating daddy!! Make me learn manual. Want me to feel the bloody car!!! Source of my stress.

Off to bed i go.

Exams coming
I'm slacking
The world is pressing
Me to go studying
But i'm just too lazy.

confused!?

2007-07-24T22:21:00.000+08:00

I don't feel i am myself. To be honest, i feel very irritated easily and i keep feeling like if people are really stepping over me. I'm not directing this at anyone. It is simply a general comment of my feelings.

Feel so lost and inadequate about every single thing. Don't even know how i should be feeling anymore. I think at the moment i am still playing many roles. Is that being myself? Intra-confusion.

Busy as an ant

2007-07-17T11:54:00.000+08:00

Busy busy busy. This word has never leave my mouth these days. I need more time to do all my stuffs but time is a luxury i long to have yet money can't buy. On the bright side, met up with some of the girls yesterday to celebrate Gwen's birthday @ Village. Pretty fun night out, chatting with the girls and swapping news about each other.

A group photo.

Not sure if i would have time to blog again and upload more photos so i shall make this post now. I felt so much emotions last night. And i enjoyed every moment of it, Happy Birthday Gwen and Qwen. Both days apart yet with almost same sounding names. Wei Xian was missed.

Few updates about myself. Couple of weeks back, i received shocking news from my mother who excitedly woke me up by telling me we are going to exercise early next morning. Still sleepy, i asked her why and she said," Oh Dongfang billy gonna teach people exercise at the ....."That had got my attention!! I mean like what the hell!!?

Went to school and told Ling, she laughed and said her mother asked her to go too. I literally begged her to accompany me. Zee Day arrived and we went to zee place. Oh my god!! The crowd was like whao~! We were at one end of the crowd and Ling was at the other. We couldn't see anything nor hear anything. Mummy gave up and so we went all the way of the other side of the crowd to find Ling.

How can we leave without a photo? Haha we had a good laugh at what we saw.

Filming CLAW project with Yong Wei, Vion and Ling. Not too bad i guess. But we really did had some fun.

Last exciting point was that i watched Harry Potter. A bit disappointed, maybe i was expecting more from it. But still seeing Lupin made my day. =)

Gwen said my blog so emo, haha i think she just caught me at bad times. I'm so over you, baby. This is referred to someone i have let go. To those close to me, sorry but it is not the fella who's name begin with "A". Yiling said, she didn't expect he is type i go for. Neither do i ...but i guess at that point he filled up the missing piece. Since he was similar in so many ways with *ahem* But now he is so O-V-E-R. Whoo!! Emotionally single. Whahahahhahahaha

Nothing else to say except that i haven't been doing my tutorials.

random

2007-07-10T13:35:00.000+08:00

It's been ages since i last blog. I'm recovering nicely from the previous incident. Life moves on and i nearly had a heart attack yesterday over some minor thing. But now it is solved, kinds of reminds me that i do not need to worry so much. If it is meant to happen it will. So many things of the future are unclear. Makes me unsure of my next step. Where should i move on from here? I need to know certain things before i can make my next move. But i believe that everything will be ok.

Hmm...i'm looking forward to this sunday where i will be going out with Manz and Val to watch Harry Potter. Friday the 13th a bad day? I don't think so. It will be my best bud's birthday!!! Qwennie....that lucky girl gets to stay over at a hotel for a couple of days. I love her.

Hmmm...ever since school reopens after the so called break, haven't been doing much homework. Felt burnt out from everything. Need to take a breather of sort. I need a break. But i will need to hang on till August. Hmmm...i'm starting to see good in almost everyone. Is that good? No wonder, gfs especially Ling kept saying i'm too soft-hearted. Oh wells... nothing else much to say. Except i feel i need to snap out of whatever frenzy i may be in. I'm so outta here!

S.H.E is coming to Singapore....whoo! excited

Feeling the blues

2007-07-01T22:16:00.000+08:00

Seeing you again after so long sure stirs up a lot of emotions. I wondered if you'd noticed that i never keep eye contact with you. I don't wish to get hurt again but i can't entirely let go of you and what i feel for you. Honestly, i have a love-hate "relationship" with you. I hate to fall head over heels for you again but i really can't hold myself back. When you speak to me directly, i just got hit by that pang of whatever you may want to call it. Your smile is really whoo~

Knowing you are in NTU really makes me reconsider going there. Sure i'll get to see you but wouldn't it be awkward? If you are still attached, i really don't wish to see you and your girl being lovey-dovey. It will make me jealous. Sometimes i wonder if when i looked at some guy, i'm hoping to see you in there? You've changed, and i see most good points about you. Everytime even the mere mentioned of your name makes me perked up.

I tried acting aloof but who am i kidding? I turn shy when i saw you looking in my direction. I supposed you must be thinking that i'm abnormal. But you will never find out that you're the cause of it. You are growing more and more to be my type. Sometimes i wish i can find your bad traits and then you can be replusive. But they say "love is blind". If only..... but it will never ever be.

cold war has ended

2007-06-13T21:09:00.000+08:00

Having holidays now but i wouldn't really call it a holiday. It is simply two weeks without lessons or tutorials. Busy is the only word i can think of to describe these two weeks. Projects are really getting on my nerves. I never thought i would be so glad to see closure of certain things but i am. IBSM report is done thanks to all the hard work put in by the rest of the girls. I feel so useless between them, hahah like never do anything much like that. On top of projects, i still have my tuition job which squeeze much of my time every week. And A maths as well...sigh....time time time is what i need.

Something pleasant though, i managed a great talk with my darling Qweenie the other night, hope i didn't hold her up. Hee and this friday i'm going out with the other darling Aud. I managed to catch up with Gwen too!! Though for a short time. Man i miss all the SMSS people. It's been ages since i went out with any one of them. Well friday is an exception of it.

Kind of having a mental block now. Had a lot of things to say but i forgot le. Sigh...need sleep...can't go on.

Post CT outing 2007

2007-06-07T23:30:00.000+08:00

Wednesday at 3.05 the final test papers were being collected. Frantically, we all packed our bags because the sound of celebration is calling to us. It took some convincing before Zhi Wen and Guan Hong agreed to go out with the rest of us. So arise the never imagined it would be possible combination-Zhi Wen (Xiao Wen), Guan Hong (Hong^2), Dickson (Dicky), Wanqi (Ah_QiQi), Yiling (Ling) and me. ^^

Some how we decided to go to the Minds cafe in town. During the trip there we had a lot of laughter.

Look at our faces, can you see the "IT'S FREAKING OVER! O-V-E-R!" excitment and aura? Hahah. Finally we arrived at the place and i was really amazed by the small place yet cozy feeling. When we were inside, time seems to have no effect on us. After i upload this pic, i kind of realized that the guy in white at the utmost left was smiling at the camera. Hahaha.... sorry bro i want only a pic of the background.What to order? Hmmm....*thinks*Aiya why you so blur? Over here lah.... nei....2 pax de...

Following is my two fav pics of the day-Xiao Wen and Ah_QiQiDicky and Ah_QiQi...can't remember what she's so excited about.So busy arh? Of course we need drinks to quench our thirst after all that shouting. Played a lot of games. My Favourite is "True Colours, Ugly Doll and Doggy Bone". After an additonal hour of games after our 2 hours, we got ready to go. True colours...something which decides how much your friend thinks or knows you. HeeOur score cardThe money....quite cheap $13.20 for each of us.A group photo before we leave. AH but not before i have the "Hall of Fame" presented to you. The following are the order of us who lost.Number 1- Xiao WenNumber 2- LingNumber 3- DickyNumber 4- Dicky and INumber 5- Guan Hong...don't fight back lah! HahaNumber 6- Ling Why do it yourself? When...A partnership will make things more enjoyable. Isn't it sweet?Number 7- Dicky again!!? Haha it's the last one le

We decided to walk over to eat Selegi(sp?) Tau Huay. Half way though we passed by this small garden and Dicky suggested we take photos. But i think he was super surprised when we readily agreed, the girls that is. Haha i think Xiao Wen and Hong^2 had no choice but to come along. Sporting man.

The shelterPositions everyone, why the sad faces? Haha

Then Ah_QiQi suggested taking photos at the walk path.

Don't know why but it seems like they are having a party in the middle. Up for a dance anyone?Wha...their hands looked super longSomehow the Gatsby advert came to mind. Not clear? Look at the next photo then.Still not clear? Read the lips. Ga-ts-b-by

Food...whoo took a while deciding where to sit. Finally sat down and ordered. Our food plus Qi's face. haha Dicky and Ah_QiQi
Xiao Wen, Hong^2 and Ah_QiQi
Ling and me... people used to use straw now we use "you tiao" Hee
She's inspired by the Gatsby so we did our own:-
Ta-u-Huay!!

Overall, it was really a fun outing. Never would i dream that the 6 of us will be going out together to celebrate and have so much fun. So many crazy idea. There was even a suggestion about going around Singapore and film our very own food show. Then post it on youtube. Who knows we might be famous and get invited. Haha but this is will be a super big project should it be really taken upon. Plus seeing how busy we have been so far in our last sem. I guess that will be the last thing on our mind. But hey the group of us can dream yea? After all it's after the Common Tests. No one's gonna think so much about other things. The outing was tradition plus something fresh. We used to go out together only as gurlfwens. But it became 3 of the original gurlfwens and 3 guys whom well who just some how came together. It was indeed special. Like Ling said, it's different with guys around.

2007-05-28T22:39:00.000+08:00

I find out something about myself today, and boy was i surprised at it. Looking at it again and again. Feeling like why am i being used? Actually i don't care so much about being used. I just don't want any complications. I have enough problems on hand without you adding or becoming one of them.

Me

2007-05-27T22:51:00.000+08:00

The SAGITTARIUS Woman

She's not always going to say the kind of things you want to hear. Most of the time, she'll curl your sideburns with her remarkable, flat statements and her embarrassing questions. But now and then she'll say something so special and splendid it will make you feel like singing.

You may need a sample. Scene: Coffee shop. You've just gotten up the courage to tell her you love her, but before you can say it, she looks at you with wide-open, guileless blue eyes-or forthright, steady brown ones- and asks you curiously, "How do you feel about being so short? Does it make you neurotic or anything?" While you're gulping, trying manfully to recover, she'll add, "You shouldn't care about it. Lots of men were short. Like Napoleon. And Fiorello LaGuardia." That's almost adding insult to injury, but before you get a chance to walk out, thinking no woman ever deserved such ungallant treatment more, shell muse dreamily, "I hate men who look like bean poles. You're perfect. I noticed when we were walking over here tonight-we measure just right together."

Sit back down. You're staying. For a long time. A friendly, frank Sagittarius girl has just wound herself around your heart with her own, peculiar brand of charm. She'll always be a little outspoken, because she sees the world exactly as it is, even while she's wearing those ridiculous, rose-tinted glasses. That, you must admit, is quite a talent. It's not everyone who can apply clear, reasonable logic to every situation, and retain the happy faculty of believing things will get better or else deciding to accept them^or what they are.

Sagittarius females are regular Pollyannas. It will cut when she tells you she wishes you would make more money, but then she'll add, "Of course, too much money can make people selfish. Maybe it's lucky that you're poor." Admittedly, it's sort of a left-handed optimism, but you'll get used to it. This girt will never lie to you. Sometimes, you may wish she would. Show curiosity about how she spends the nights you're not with her, and you'll get a detailed, perfectly honest report of the letters she writes to that handsome intern she met last summer on her vacation and how many dates she turns down on the phone. She may even relate her troubles with insomnia, brought on when she lies awake at night wondering if maybe what she feels for you is friendship instead of love. You'll feel like yelling at her, "For Pete's sake, lie a little once in a while, can't you? A man has his pride." Don't yell too loud. You'll offend her, and she's not exactly noncombustible herself. Sagittarius girls have been known to fly into some pretty fiery rages.

She will probably live alone. Sagittarius girls are very • independent, and both sexes have a strange aloofness to family ties. Maybe it's because they travel so much, they don't get home often enough to get to know their families well. Even if they only travel to the movies and girl friends' houses, they're restlessly on the go. I don't want to frighten you, but I once knew a Sagittarius woman so unaware of the nuances of family relationships that she invited her rejected beau to come along on her honeymoon with her new husband. The poor thing looked so lonesome. He said he'd pay his own way. Why are you looking at her like that? Did she do something wrong?

There's one thing you'll have to learn right away, or the relationship will never get off the ground. When you want her to do something, ask her. Don't tell her. The cave man technique went out with Tarzan and Jane, as far as she's concerned. She enjoys being protected, but she doesn't want to be ordered around. Not even her mother gets away with that. Who are you, that you should top her mother? She may have an Aries mother, and if a Mars woman can't boss her around, no male on earth is going to do it. However, there's a queer twist to her nature. Although she dislikes being bossed, especially in public, when she's testing you for firmness, be firm. Jupiter women can't stand weak, wishy-washy men. If she gets too high-spirited and her clever tongue gets too sarcastic, or she threatens some action that really incenses you, give her a light touch of the Tarzan treatment. Just enough to keep her in line. Like "You do that and I'll break your neck." She may react with surprising meekness if she thinks you're serious. A Sagittarius female has no in-tendon of giving up her individuality for any male, but she kind of likes to know you think of her as a girl.

She may confuse you, but that's nothing to what she does to herself. Many a Sagittarius girl mistakes friendship for love and love for friendship. If you're one of those old- fashioned men who prefer evasiveness and timidity in your i women, you'd better look for another Bingo partner. This young lady has bright, frank ways with men, and she's not going to play any silly games of "Guess how I feell" or "Guess what I think!" How she feels and what she thinks are identical with how she acts and what she says. Her outspoken bluntness naturally causes misunderstandings, and a good share of fiery battles, let alone hurt feelings, but it doesn't crush her spirit. Jupiter pride comes to the surface and rescues her in a crisis, allowing her to pass off her heartache as the biggest joke of the season. Inside, she may be weeping, but she'll employ such clever wit in answering the questions of friends about the break that they'll decide the whole affair was a harmless flirtation on her part. Little will they guess how she soaks her pillow every night, wondering what she could possibly have said that fractured everything. It might have been when she told him not to stop by her apartment the time he called from the lobby around midnight-because she was "busy talking with a man who had a few problems." Actually, the man was her brother-in-law, but with the peculiar Sagittarius twist of leaving out the core of the story, she neglected to mention that. Why should she have to explain herself? (All Sagittarians show a raging, righteous anger when their integrity is doubted.) Or it could have been when he asked her if she minded him bringing his little sister along to the movies and she blurted out, "Gosh, I hope that doesn't mean she's going to be hanging around all the time when we're married." She may have sincerely liked the young girl, but the natural Sagittarian fear of being suffocated by in-laws brought on her thoughtless and forthright statement. Now she misses his sister as much as the man, but it's too late to explain what she meant. Besides, no one would understand.

Impasses like this are impossible for her to fathom, for all her logical mental processes, and often lead the Jupiter girl into a never-never land of romance, not knowing where the fire might flame up, or why, and afraid of being burned when it does. Then she'll play it too cool and be unable to take anyone seriously, least of all herself. She'll flirt openly, but without any intention of making it a lasting or a forever thing, and gain the reputation of a cold heartless female. A fire sign is never cold or heartless, but then there are a lot of astrologically ignorant men out there who don't know that. If such a state of affairs should happen to lead to spinsterhood, she certainly won't be a dry and bitter old maid. She'll still clown with life and have a barrel of fun. She'll have a dozen interests to replace a man-and enjoy every one of them.

Of course, you're not interested in a Sagittarian spinster. You plan to make one your wife someday. (At least, I hope you have honorable intentions. This poor girl has enough problems without you setting out to seduce her.) Let's stop dwelling on promiscuity, and think about marriage. Like the male Sagittarian, she's a little skittish about wedlock. You'll need to use some bright, colorful pieces of tinsel as bait to get her pinned down (to accepting your proposal, that is). She's breezy and unconventional in her relationships with men. Since she considers herself your equal, she may copy your mannerisms, as well as wear your sweater. If she also likes sports and camping, as lots of Sagittarian females do, you may have trouble distinguishing her from the boys. But she's not the same. For one thing, your sweater looks different on her. Not that Jupiter women are offensively masculine by nature. They can be the softest, most feminine women you ever squeezed. It's just that she pals around with so many men you get used to seeing her in the crowd-everywhere but in the . steam room and the gym. Since she's so scrupulously honest and aboveboard, she may be a little careless of her reputation and contemptuous of the hypocrisy demanded by society. If you question her about it, she'll be plain-spoken. She'll probably t«U you that waltzing in at midnight doesn't indicate promiscuity any more than coming home at a more conventional hour indicates innocence. She knows her morals are above reproach, and that's all that matters. Naturally she's dead wrong. What other people think matters very much to a female reputation. But try to understand her attitude. Don't think she's fast and loose just because she laughs at a few jokes, usually without the slightest idea of what they're all about (the subtlety of the double-entendre often escapes Sagittarius). So- she stays up to watch the sunrise from the George Washington Bridge (or from the top of a silo, if you live in the country)-that doesn't mean she's the wildest girl in town.

The truth is, she's a trusting child at heart. Her outlook is so naive it makes her vulnerable to wolves, con artists and phonies (though oddly enough, not in other areas, just in romance). Forget about how cleverly she argues and how startlingly logical she can be. All that has nothing to do with her heart. Her mind isn't under discussion. It's bright and intelligent, and well able to take care of itself in any emergency. But her heart is defenseless. It falls down and gets bruised quite often.

That's another thing. She's slightly clumsy. At times when the Sagittarius girl strides down the street like a thoroughbred horse, you'll think she's the most graceful woman you've ever watched-until she stumbles on a crack in the sidewalk, awkwardly grabs the awning over the fruit stand to catch her balance and upsets two crates of oranges. The owner may swear a little, but hell soon shrug his shoulders, tell her to skip it, and hand her some grapes. The sunny Sagittarian disposition can melt the hardest hearts. Now and then, this girl will remind you of a clumsy puppy dog, wagging its friendly tail, and walking all over your feet. But then friendly puppy dogs do get lots of people to love them and feed them. Of course, dogs are a little cheaper to feed. The typical Jupiter girl has a large appetite. She likes good food and wine, nice clothes, and when she travels, she likes to go first class. Sagittarians are extravagant by nature (unless the Moon is in Capricorn or there's a Virgo ascendant). Money for the sake of money doesn't interest them, and it takes quite a bit of training to teach most of them the meaning of a dollar bill. Check her ascendant carefully before you loan her your credit card.

The Sagittarian girl you're involved with may be in show business, because lots of them are drawn by the lure of the footlights. If so, start out on the right foot by expecting her to put her career first, until she tires of it. The sweet sound of applause and the thrill of the encore will ring in her ears with more conviction than all the romantic phrases you can conjure up. Never force her to choose between pleasing you and the excitement of pleasing whole gobs of people at once with her sunshine personality. After a while she'll grow disgusted with the hypocrisy and artificial glitter she finds all around her in the world of show business, and she'll come running home to try domesticity with someone who is real. You. Someone who believes honesty is beautiful and deception is ugly. You again. Leaving a career won't remove the wings from her heels forever. They were fastened there at birth. The travel bug will always be nearby to give her a case of wandering fever. Vacation with her when you can; otherwise let her go off to ride the carousel herself, and trust her. She loves you, not the clowns and organ grinders she likes to pass the time with.

Because of her casual attitude toward romance and her shyness of marriage, you may think she's lacking in sentiment. You are so mistaken. She'll cry rivers at sad movies and read poetry with wet eyes. She's probably saved every note you ever wrote her, scraps of the flowers you bought her in the rain, and the tickets from the hockey game where she met you.
As for her talent as a homemaker, be brave. And be patient. Sagittarius girls are acutely bored by the confinement of dusting and mopping. No sooner does she make a bed than it gets unmade. Gosh, you'd think the darned thing would stay neat for a few days anyway, it was such a drag tucking in those sheets at the corners. She'll hate it all with a purple passion. When she has a home of her own, however, she'll probably swallow her distaste. She'll prefer that you get her a maid if you can possibly afford one. If not, she'll doggedly keep it shining Her mother will never believe it. That sloppy child waxing the coffee table? Impossible. Pride and the eternal Sagittarius logic does it. She needs to be surrounded with beauty and cleanliness to be true to herself. The message reaches her that, if she doesn't wipe up the linoleum, no one else will. If she was forced by circumstances to do a lot of chores in childhood, she may rebel at first, but she'll eventually reason it out, and settle down to sweeping the comers with a minimum of resentment.

Her cooking? Well-you can never tell. Maybe you'd iust better eat out on weekends. If she manages decent 'neals through the week, you can't expect her to keep a perfect record on Saturdays and Sundays, too. Most Sagit-tarian women aren't exactly ecstatic in the kitchen (unless there's a Taurus, Cancer or Capricorn ascendant). But she can whip up a mean, fancy dessert when she's trying to cheer you out of the blues. Her own moods can be terrors, but they're rare, and they last so briefly you'll hardly notice them. When she's really hurt, her tongue can be bitterly sarcastic. But she'll forget what she said almost before she's finished the sentence, and she won't understand why you want to dwell on it. This is not the woman for a brooding, melancholy man. Gloom and pessimism, can actually make her physically ill.
Her children will probably adore her. Shell be their buddy, and have a circus playing with them. Once she's lover her initial fear of responsibility, she'll cope with § diapers and daily baths like a crisp, efficient nurse. Almost everything she does she does well, with grace, when she finally decides to learn it. Just like the big people, the little ones will get a good dose of her cheerful optimism and outspoken remarks. If they survive her blunt truthfulness, they'll grow up thinking she's the greatest big sister a kid ever had. She'll read them funny stories with happy endings, and take them on sudden, impulsive picnics in the woods to look for the three bears. (She half believes 8 they're hiding there herself.) Her youngsters will probably be well-dressed, but not fussily so, and bright-mannered. If they pick up a few unconventional tricks from her, like making footprint curtains by spreading monk's cloth on the floor, stepping barefoot into yellow paint and walking across the material-at least you won't be raising a houseful of conformists. Her honesty will mark their characters. If they don't find those three bears after a careful search under all the fir trees, she'll probably tell them to forget it-it's a phony. But she will have looked first. The child who wrote the editor of the New York Sun to ask if there was really a Santa Claus just had to have a Sagittarius Sun sign. Moon or ascendant. She probably raised her own children by the frank, yet idealistic answer of "Yes, Virginia . . ." The Jupiter mother may have to watch a tendency to be lax in discipline, except when she's tired or angry. That's the wrong time for spankings.

Youll have a lovely hostess. No one entertains as graciously as a Sagittarian woman, not even her Leo sisters, who are no slouches themselves in the social department. There's a quality about her sunny, outgoing friendliness that makes people feel deeply welcome, from the garbage man to your boss. A Sagittarian breaks the ice instantly at the stiffest affairs, though she may raise a few eyebrows, too.

As long as you let her call her soul her own, and don't make her feel tied down, your Sagittarius Pollyanna will give you a triple bonus: her loyalty, her trust and her affection. The three are inseparable, because when she gives her love, her friendship trots right along beside it.

The Jupiter woman is an incurable idealist. And here's a secret perhaps she never told you: She fell in love with you many years ago, when she was a little girl and wished on the new Moon for someone to share her honest heart. There were lots of times when she thought she had found you and was disappointed. But when you finally came along, she knew you right away, because you were a gentle clown with a dream or two of your own who took her hand and showed her the way to the stars.

Stirring up the thoughts

2007-05-18T22:41:00.000+08:00

Finally blogger has allowed me to blog. I think it is more of Singnet's fault. Was reading a friend's blog, i felt like a hypocrite. Brings me back to year 1 orientation when we were asked what do we hate most. Backstabbers was the first of my list thanks to sofiah. Now i bring myself back to the present and i questioned myself, have i changed? I guess this question never goes out of fashion. I'm always curious and constantly in thirst for some knowledge about myself. Something upsets me in the post, someone i considered a friend do not regard me as a too important friend. Were we forced by circumstances to become a result of who we are today? We can't even talk for a moment alone and not have something being dragged along with it.

Why do we deemed it as such importance to be able to fit in? During the process we tend to hurt other people and to the extend we lose ourselves to everything. Is fitting in a survival tactic? Looking at Cho's case...what had happened? A dead man cannot speak for himself. To fit in, we all share and make jokes about some poor party. In the more serious case, the person commit suicide. If they do, what will we say? "That person has always been kind of a loner". Have we ever make effort to NOT joke about them and at least try to get to know them better even if others will be weary of our actions? I doubt so. Personally, i find myself not trying too hard to fit in because of the availability of my existing gurlfwens which i dearly loved.

I don't know why am i writing all these but i have all that running through my mind and finally i was able to find time to put them all down. I ponder over the friendships i get to keep after graduating or maybe even after this semester. Some friendships are being reconsidered and some new ones come into the picture. Amazing how much we really see when we "open" our eyes. I just happened to see so much flaws in me. I get so upset. I don't even know what is exactly happening to me. People i hold dear tends to be upset by little things i said or did. It makes me feel like retreating further in myself. Makes me feel like giving the whole fucking world a miss. Just myself and my family good enough for me. I think i was wrong to think i may have become closer to some people. I see how vunerable our friendships are and i wonder if it may fall apart the same way as other people's did.

It's scary you know, i try not to run. I'm trying to prepare myself for the worst unless the vital few people are able to prove me wrong and provide me the assurance that it won't happen. The worst will be those friendships i'm keen to keep do not receive the same idea from the other recipient. Who am i to say anything than? Do i blame myself? or do i blame the environment and circumstances?

future is not mine to control

2007-05-07T10:37:00.000+08:00

I'm so busy with everything in my life. So many things are weighing me down and i really don't have anytime to like release all that tension yet. At the present, school and studies are all that is that revolves around me. I shall try to come back to my blog really soon. =(

Day 1-2

2007-03-30T11:42:00.000+08:00

Okie finally i'm getting down to the journey. On 12th of March 2007, i very excitedly woke up at some wee hours in the morning and head off to the airport. It felt weird that all our parents were there with us. In the morning we bonded with each other. Smiling at those whom we never talked with before. In the end we had to wait for someone to check in for us. Tada, the man in the pic- Lao Yao, our tour guide who travelled with us throughout the entire journey.
I think he was explaining to us to fill in the form in the plane. Apparently, a rather unglam pose. LOL!! Well apparently, he was late so yea we waited for him for so long. I didn't have a really good impression of him then. Finally after checking in, we had to wait at the departure hall. So what did we do when we were waiting? Camera hogging of course!

Yea...so the 3 photos revolves around ling, bY and me. I recall having one with Steph but i don't have it.Hmmm... Finally got onto the plane and my seat was beside Ling. Don't worry i had fun going through what i did with you. =) But before take off, more photos!!

Finally touch down at HK airport.

Coming out of the airport we were debating whether it was the aircon or is it really the cold wind. The cold was bearable i guess, on the bus i was really excited afterall it's my first time there. So snapping i went... here are the outdoor scenes.
The buildings are really close together. So close that you can actually look into your neighbour's home. Our first stop for company visit is Hong Kong Trade Development Centre. It was by the sea so we were freaking shivering. Afterall, clan in only working clothes and blazer to protect us from the cold. But still that didn't stop us taking more photos.
If Ling didn't mentioned, i would not have realized that this is our only group 3 photo. So anyhow we headed off to the building and after going to one building for conference and QnA, we came all the way back to the original building. After touring the library, we set down to get some research done.

See we are all very serious with our work okie? it's not all just play though it's only the first day. Hee... Then in the night we headed off to 星光大道. The night scene is really beautiful though it was foggy.

I did my best. Took a lot of photos together though.

I would say it was one of the best nights i had during my 12 day stay.

Day 2 arrives, which is our entry to ShenZhen or mainland China. Woke up early and walk to a certain place to have our breakfast, it was dim sum of course but it was rather oily. Finally boarded the bus, Lao Yao gave out some cards that needs to be filled in to pass through the custom. But he only got a few, so ended up some of us didn't have it, including me. Arrived at the place and it was a bit of a chaos, since we were lugging our luggage around. We were told that our the other guide, Xiao Deng has filled in the form for all of us and all we had to do was just check our particulars and sign. When i received mine, the first thought was "wow, the handwriting is a bit the messy". Made small talk with Benson. Coming out over the other side, a couple of us felt the need to use the toilets. The guide showed us the way and when we saw the state of it from the outside, we decided to give it a miss. Since we had to wait for the rest, we went to the waiting hall which what do you know? Have a disco ball.

From left to right, we have Rong Xing, Andrea, Elizabeth, Your's truly, Bao Yi, Yi Ling and Stephanie.

More photos of Shen Zhen.

We went to have lunch in this building above, the decorations was indeed very chinese. Similiar to what you may see in Singapore's Chinese restuarant when they are preparing for a wedding. Had a really funny incident happened, something to do with veggi and soup. Gee...it was a hilarious moment.

This was taken by Mr Wong when we were in the bus. Yong Wei and Stitch are sitting in front. This is the bus that accompanied us for the next 9 days and our seat has one chair that is spoilt. Sigh... Next we went to Material City.

They really have everything there. You want it they WILL have it. It's really big. And we had a really warm welcome from them.
Sitting on the tram is me, ling and drea. Quite scary when we were crossing the junction since we do not have anything to protect us. Open space okie?
Ey this picture don't know who take one, but any how this is our local guide and the other tram consists of the other students.

After the tour, we enter into another conference room. Somehow, when i took this photo Wen Song was inside. *shrug*

Andrea sitting beside me seem really engrossed at something. Hmmm... guilty me. LOL

On the bus waiting to alight off to our next station. I think it's market research. I wonder why am i so pale in the photo. Hmm...

Finally the night is here, off we went for market research. ShenZhen is really beautiful though didn't have much chance to explore some more. Constantly on our guard for beggers, it was funny how we like sweep everybody forward when there is a begger around. Gee...it was fun.

We saw KFC and we headed there since we have a pang of longing for western food. Though i didn't eat anything, it was a new experience. I mean the place was playing a chinese radio station. How cool is that? We are so used to listening to like english radio channels playing in fast food restuarants. Welcome to China man!

Finally the night is still young, so we went to Drea's room and had a bitching session. Or more or less exploring through her makeup. Well that's all for day 1 and 2. Shall update the rest soon. I'm like so tired after this entry. I wonder how Ling does it. Oh wells... hope it was a treat to your eyes...so many pictures.

after effect of IBSM

2007-03-26T23:31:00.000+08:00

I have just come back from China on 23th of March. The photos shall be up soon i hope. Once i manage to collect from the rest as well as choosing some of the nicer shots to be put up. Meanwhile though i have a lot of thoughts to put down.

I miss the times when we had so much fun together, it seems time has no hold over us and we are naive children.
+ Running in the cold
+ wearing layers of clothes
+ going for desserts
+ bitching in rooms
+ opening doors to "visitors"
+ bargaining; market research
+ visiting places
+ sleeping in the bus
+ waking up early; sleeping late
+ imitating people and having a good laugh at it
+ the tears we shed
+ the cold air
+ funny expressions
+ the toilets
+ buying of DVDs

There are simply so many things i miss and some that has taught me a lesson. Going to China has changed my entire perspective of the place. The people though some are exactly how we expect them to be but there are others who are different. I felt that i have learnt a lot of things. Things are never how it appears to be. Like when we go to the wholesale market for leather, you see the small shops and some having curtains. Behind those curtains are where they discuss money and business. A deal is conducted behind close doors(literally). The same goes for people, i can't understand why some people do the things they did. I believe they have their own reasons but i would say that it is unnecessary for them to be so extreme. This trip has also taught me to see more of true colours and all i can say is this, "最擅长当面一套背地里一套"

Coming back to Singapore has a really big impact on me. The first thing i had to get used to is all that responsibilities and making a lot of tough decisions. Honestly, i just couldn't care much. I mean caring for someone is something drilled in me but now it just seems to be something only a couple of people may bother with. At the moment i'm getting better at not resenting at my parent's control over me. Everything that i'm familiar with suddenly makes me wanna run away from everything. And since i had just return from China and i felt that i can settle pretty well there, i was tempted to run to there and settle for good. But i guess after a couple of days later, i may not be mature and rational in my thinking. All i wanted was to run, run away from all these things i am familiar with. There is nothing much worth asking me to carry on staying in this place. Friendship is something one can carry on even overseas, as for family ties they are always there. The blood will always run in you. There...nothing for me to stay for.

In the past, i worried about my ability to be independent if i were to be overseas. But 12 days in China, i will admit here that i did not miss home that much as i should be. I felt as if i'm really being myself and that i am my own person. It was an eye opener and i have in me many valuable experience which i find it hard to put them down in words but still...The trip has awaken something hidden in me and i am looking at studying for my degree overseas. My mother wants me to go to the States to where my cousin stays. But i'm thinking of maybe going to the States but try to go somewhere away from my cousin. Afterall, a decision like this is learn to be independent and street smart. If i stay with my cousin, i might as well study in Singapore. I can finally understand why Fran is so determined to run away as well. Somewhere new and big where you have more freedom, most importantly away from our protective family. I know being parents naturally they will be worried as to if i may turn to the dark side. But i think that for 20 years of my life and from the friends i made, they should trust me enough. Actions speaks louder than words but how am i gonna prove this point more strongly across? I believe that i can settle down overseas pretty well and thus i don't think they need to worry so much. I know what i want in my life and i will always retain my basic principles.

The talk with Manpreet two days ago had somewhat lift off a weight. I told her a scenario and she can strongly understand the reason for my wanting to escape. I know some may say i should face the problem. But maybe i'm just not ready or maybe my decision to run is actually my way of trying to solve the problem through actions. Letting my parents know i can be strong and independent. They can trust me so they would allow me more freedom. If freedom is something they can't give willingly then i guess i need to try to find more freedom for myself. I'm suffocating inside, the many times i cried over the same problem. Afterall, there are others who can do it so why can't i? Besides, Singapore is too small a place. I'm simply trying to find a bigger world out there and not because it seems greener on the other side. But for the sake of future and the many more responsibilities. I'm determined, so don't advise me otherwise.

The importance of Chinese has finally dawned on me and i pray it's not too late. I'm gonna try and learn Cantonese as well. Anyone willing to be my teacher? Must be patient with me k? Qwen? Haha....i guess i have ranted a lot and well i felt so much better now that all these are out. Well sorry if i bored you. I shall try and post the photos soon. I promise, provided i completed my IBSM stuffs before school starts as required. =P

Before leaving

2007-03-09T20:58:00.000+08:00

I'm leaving for China in two days' time. So i think i better write a post before i leave. Workshop so far has been okie i supposed, i felt pretty useless and don't think i could be of any help. But i'm still glad to know the other girls they do cheer me up. I don't know how to pack my stuffs, feels weird that i will be going overseas alone without my parents this time round. I'm sure this will be a very interesting trip i'm sure. 12 days with my friends. Lots of shopping!!! Whoo hoo...

But what i really wanna go is to Australia. I love nature and all that farm lifestyle. I owe one post here which is Val's birthday.... shall update soon when i have the chance. Well take care everyone if you want anything just give me a shout before Monday and i shall see if i'm able to get it for you.

searching for answers

2007-03-04T23:09:00.001+08:00

I was walking home today and i saw this old lady pushing a trolley full of her groceries and it was drizzling. She opened her umbrella and balancing it between her head and shoulder and while pushing that trolley up the slope. I was tempted to ask her if she needs help and i was willing to push it till her block. I kept turning back to see if she could do it or having any difficulities. I think she must be thinking i was nuts as i turned back quite obviously and a lot of times. In the end i gave up and just go on my way. But all along, i was thinking what was stopping me at that time? I still can't find an answer to it. I can readily give coins away to a begger but when it comes to somebody else i find myself being stopped. Sheesh...maybe i'm just thinking too much.

I felt the need to blog about a lot of things but i just can't find the ability to put them across. Sometimes, a blog is something so private yet public that it is somewhat a hinderance to me. There are times when i wanna put something deep in me so that people will know but in another way i fear the consequences. A certain incident back in the years have taught me a lesson and i'm more cautious about what i put up.

12 days China trip seems more exciting for those who are not involved than those who are, mainly me. I still don't feel veyr excited about the trip. Guess it may be due to the topic we are doing. A lot of stuffs but i think the girls in the group can do it. Afterall, one reason we are selected is bacause of results. Suppose i should just take things as it comes, it seems easier that way.

IBSM

2007-03-02T21:18:00.000+08:00

Well today marks the second day of the workshop and i must say i've met some nice people and even have a slightly closer friendship with a couple of them. However, i'm ashamed about judging a certain someone and my conclusion was totally off. But now she is like totally nice, my project group is all girls. But i think and hope we can work out great. One thing for sure...am glad to have Ling along with me.

collation of events

2007-02-21T12:34:00.000+08:00

Finally i'm back to blog. I know it has been ages since i blogged and some people are already asking me to blog. Away from my blog for so long thanks to exams. Most feared paper was okie, but i screwed the last one. Guess everyone screwed it cuz it's the last paper and everyone's burnt by then. As usual, GFs went out for a lunch trip....

Ey...the waiter behind apologized for "coming" into the photo but he was like looking at it lah. Has a very nice italian accent i must say. The ambiance is good very cosy and cottage feeling. Oh i think i forgot to mention the place. It's

Our very yummy food. It looks small but it is very filling due to it being pasta i supposed. All our food came except for Val. Hers is the one that looks like a bum. LOL... after which we walked along the river and head to Raffles Place MRT station. Qi was really excited about that place and wanted to take a photo in the middle of it. Haha it was funny. That place sure brings back memories. Moving on we headed off to our next stop without Manz cuz she needed to buy clothes for her attachment which begins today.

Off we went to Marina Centre to catch a movie but due to the timing and nothing nice on, we decide to postponed it to another time. WE then decide to head to sing K. It was really cheap.... had a lot of fun with the girls before i left earlier to meet mammy for dinner.

Then moving on it's CNY... had reunion dinner on Saturday with Mammy's side of the family. Which is also my closer relatives.

We were at Kings Hotel, finally a family picture. No idea if the rest will be sent to me. But please let me intorduce to you some of my nieces and nephews. The couple sitting down are my aunt and uncle. The guy beside them in yellow is Jeremy, my 3rd nephew. The the girl behind him and beside me is Daphne, my 2nd niece. On my left is Joseph and his sister in blue, Fransica my closest relative due to her being a year older than me. Then we are left with the 'baby" Linus and his older brother, Jonathan. There you have ti some of my family memebers. If more photos come in i shall blog them up.

So far this new year has been full of surprises. Pleasant ones and i got a very special phone call which didn't make me feel anything. I felt older and more sensible in a way. I'm mature for my age as i've been told too many a times but i don't know if that is true. Hmmm.... Oh yar...bought myself a DIGI cam yesterday. Very happy with my buy. I'm like stoning at home and using the net. But i'm so bored....haix..... people any plans? Shall go off now. -__-

persoanl DNA

2007-01-22T22:24:00.000+08:00

about you

You are a Leader

Your solid grounding in the practicalities of life, along with your self-assuredness and your willingness to appreciate new things make you a LEADER.

You're in touch with what is going on around you and adept at remaining down-to-earth and logical.

Although you're detail-oriented, this doesn't mean that you lose the big picture.

You tend to find beauty in form and efficiency, as opposed to finding it in broad-based, abstract concepts.

Never one to pass on an adventure, you're consistently seeking and finding new things, even in your immediate surroundings.

Because of this eagerness to pursue new experiences, you've learned a lot; your attention to detail means that you gain a great deal from your adventures.

The intellectual curiosity that drives you leads you to seek out causes of and reasons behind things.

Your confidence gives you the potential to take your general awareness and channel it into leadership.

You're not set on one way of doing things, and you often have the skills and persistence to find innovative ways of facing challenges.

You are well-attuned to your talents, and can deal with most problems that you face.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

how you relate to others

You are Considerate

You trust others, care about them, and are slow to judge them, making you CONSIDERATE.

You value your close relationships very much, and are more likely to spend time in small, tightly-knit groups of friends than in large crowds.

You enjoy exploring the world through observation, quietly watching others.

Relating to others so well, and understanding their emotions, leads you to trust people in general, even though you're somewhat shy and reserved at times.

Your belief that people are generally well-intentioned contributes to your sympathy regarding their problems.

Although you may not vocalize it often, you have an awareness of how society affects individuals, and you understand complex causes of people's behavior.

You like to look at all sides of a situation before making a judgment, particularly when that situation involves important things in other people's lives.

Your close friends know you as a good listener.

You prefer to have time to plan for things, feeling better with a schedule than with keeping plans up in the air until the last minute.

You do your own thing when it comes to clothing, guided more by practical concerns than by other people's notions of style.

Was doing this DNA quiz and i find it pretty accurate to a certain extend. Some things mentioned are pretty true. Took quite a while to do it though. 11 pages. Go ahead and try it if you are keen ba.

I'm losin' it

2007-01-21T16:43:00.000+08:00

Felt really low at the moment. I seemed to be failing and all that. I watch myself made a fool of myself yesterday in front of everybody. I don't know what made me have the guts but i did. I'm not sorry that i went up first. I'm just sorry that i did not do it well. I have failed in that sense. Though i understand that we are all there to learn. I kept repeating that like a marta to myself. Then the second blow came from tuition session where i see myself losing the interest and all that. I don't blame Shannice. Because i have failed my part being her tutor. I really sucked at it. Lastly the third blow. I think it's silly how i would consider it but at the point in time i was quite low, when my friends seemed to be too busy for me.

I know i mustn't be selfish and all that. But all i ask for is a little bit of time. I know they have their own life but it's just so...Sigh... but the only thing i am happy about is the way i "behaved" yesterday along the corridor. Though it felt like the longest stretch of road i have ever walked through. I am glad that it is all over.

This morning when i told my mum about the service coming to an end. She was against me continuing because of my going to my 3rd year. But i was mildly surprise at her. She was the one who told me not to give up. I wonder...she doesn't trust i would be able to handle my time well is it? So far i guess i'm pretty okie. Still working on fine. Therefore, what is her worries? I'm trying to put myself in her shoes but that is the only reason i can think of at the moment. Sigh.... so many things to do and yet i can't seem to get into the kick of doing them all. Okie...i guess i better try and get something productive done. =S